I am on my side, and you are on yours. I thought we were together but now I’m unsure. A rift built between us, a mound standing tall. I cannot move on whilst I hear what you call An uncomfortable moment when stories I share Of childhood and trauma and all that is there. You say that it hurts you, these stories of mine; Yet they’re of my trauma, not yours, and I’m fine. The hill that you built in mere minutes is steep. So I dissociated and then I did weep. I felt silly and nasty for causing your pain, But now that I think of it I must reframe. You want a girlfriend with no trauma in past; A person I can’t be, it never will last. I can swallow down grief, I can choke on my thoughts But I refuse to be living on your shoulds and your aughts. You placed so many flags on that hill in one night That I’m seriously worried, it’s been quite a fright. Are you an abuser just like those before Who will slowly destroy me and watch as I fall? Should I be worried and should I be scared Of the woman I see who I really thought cared. I now know that my memories are formed into knives; No longer just mine, I am ruining two lives. Yet somewhere within is a voice in protest. My trauma is mine and not yours to arrest. Why should I close off when I’m learning to live; I have power in speech and the names that I give To all that went unspoken and all that hurt me. So much pain was caused but no one could see. I refuse to shut up while I’m building my self. Living true to my past and my future with help. I don’t feel supported, but do feel ashamed. Your words and your hill have taken what I named. You claim that you care but I don’t think that you do. For if you cared really you would follow things through. You would listen without making these stories about you; And care unconditionally thinking of me too. I can’t understand how you’ve taken offence With a life from the past you have claimed self defence. So we keep sitting on opposite sides; You in your castle and me where I hide. Frozen in terror and buried away. No longer will I see the brightness of day. I cannot trust you and I cannot trust me. I have nothing left but defences you see. I cannot be broken, I will not be bent. Perhaps life alone will be better spent.