I’ve never been to this lake before, I’m not one to be drawn to lakes for no particular purpose. I’m more of an ocean girl, really.

Standing on the dock, I take in the most obvious details. It overlooks the acres of mountain that continues on for miles and right at the mountain head, the thick fog touches and hugs every surface area at the top. This way you can see mountain, and mountain + fog; mostly fog.

As I’m breathing in the cold air that smells like sap and fresh trees, I sit down on the dock, pondering about the lifelessness of the lake. The lake itself appears so inhabited by different sea creatures, different fish, and the mountains are filled with an abundant amount of creatures—too vast to count. I take a deep breath as I’m thinking and taking note of my surroundings, I feel my chest becoming constricted. It’s so much harder to breathe.

I begin to take more breaths but this overwhelming feeling of fear has already settled and has taken host of my whole body. As I’m struggling to breath, each breath getting taken faster, and the panic getting heavier, the fear that I had has multiplied.

Suddenly, the clouds that were mixed with hues of blue are now big bodies of clouds mixed with dull, dreary gray hues. It becomes harder to take inventory of my surroundings and identify any changes around me but even as my breathing shortens, I’m able to still pay some attention.

Women’s screams and cries begin to sound like a symphony in my ears and it’s growing in size. I start to hear more voices. Voice after voice, and voice after voice. The numbers don’t stop and they overwhelm my ears with sadness and panic.

What happened here?

I see no women, but yet the women seem so real. Their voices are so clear. If I had any hopes about my fear going away, this was clearly a sign that it‘s not going to.

My vision starts to blur and I see images of this same lake, except a girl is on this dock in place of me. Next, I see her underneath the water drowning and attempting to scream and go back up to the surface of water but she’s powerless. Chains are tying her feet together and they’re attached to a large weight. I can see her fight for her life and the very look in her eyes as she realizes that the fight is useless. It feels like forever before I see that she is no longer drawing breath and her body starts to sink.

Then I see another women standing on the same dock I’m sitting on, her back facing the lake. Her eyes are full of fear and her hand is trembling, if she takes one more step back she’d be in the lake. The next image of her that I see is of her floating on top of the water, blood painted all across her torso and face. She was stabbed and cut up all over. I can see her lying lifeless on the lake, no breathing, no more panic, absolutely nothing. But while she’s lying there, the sounds of the women ring louder and I can pick out one voice among the rest; her voice. I don’t know her name or what she sounds like, but I do know her voice now. I can hear her crying in desperation and it doesn’t stop.

My stomach begins to churn as I not only see this happening to two different women, but dozens all at once. My breathing speeds up and my heart is racing. The dark presence is so tightly bound to me it feels like I’m almost a part of that darkness.

The screams, the cries, the blood, the look of panic on their faces and the hopelessness overwhelms me.

I start to cry, not just cry—I begin to sob. I can feel the pain of all these women and the pain of the families missing their own children, wives, daughters and siblings. All the connections those dear to her had with her, aren’t gone. They’re here, still grieving the loss of their beloved.

I decided to leave shortly after I wipe my eyes, but I can’t shake off what just occurred. I can’t get rid of what I had just seen, of what I’d experienced.

I went back home that day feeling somber and I couldn’t eat for days.