I open my eyes to my life

I hadn’t blinked in the staring contest

My eyes had dried

I was raised with fake information of who I was

I believed everything and I was punished for all I didn’t

The punishment I didn’t understand, my mother was 14 and pregnant

She was granted ten lashes,

She took four

I took six

I never knew what I was born into

Her third child

The only one that was planned

And so, the only one without guilt

Two children were kept

And the first was surrendered

As the only daughter of all known or secret children

I paid the punishments of all fallen

Never explained to

Never sorry

I was a childless teen mother, being punished the way my mother should have

Never had I barred a child but it was my strongest identity.

I am sad.

I was a child mother, never even knowing what bees did to flowers

Never even blooming

I was raised to be a little girl, not a woman

The day I cried red was the day my parents mourned their child

I was a threat

A threat of their own secrets

A reminder of biology

A chilis list a child, not meant for adult concepts