Maybe I’ll try to hang out again today. Give being social another try. I know my friends have been missing me. And they’ve noticed me slowly distancing myself.

I just try so hard to fit in and feel comfortable and happy around them. But I always end up being awkward and irritatable.

I scroll through my messages and find the group chat I’m looking for: The Bestie Bunch. We used to be a trio. Inseparable.

Me: Hey, it’s been a while. We should hang out.

I sigh. Here’s hoping that this time turns out better than the last one.

Melanie: Sure! Whitney and I were just about to head into town, you can come with.

Whitney: Yeah, just meet us at Mel’s house. I’ll be driving.

Me: Alright, see you then!

I hopped up from where I had been sitting, grabbing my shoes and purse. I got ready and walked out of the house to my car.

Here’s hoping that I can get my friends back.

I drove to Melanie’s house and hopped into Whitney’s car, sliding into the back seat with a pretty good mood.

“Hey guys!” I said, moving to the middle seat so I could see them.

“Hey Gwen, how are you?” Melanie asked, turning in her seat as Whitney started driving.

“I’ve been good. Finally got over that sickness.” I smiled tensely.

That sickness I made up to get out of hanging out.

“Thank goodness. From what you told me, it sounded miserable.” She looked genuinely relieved.

I chuckled weakly. “Yeah, it was.”

“Well, what’s new in your life? It’s been forever since I’ve seen you.” Whitney said, glancing at me in the rear view mirror.

It’s been three months, seventeen days.

I shrugged. “Nothing really. My life’s the same.”

They laughed for a second and Melanie started talking about something that happened when she was with her sister.

I am able to keep my growing unease well hidden. Here’s hoping this is the trip that will help me socialize again.

“We should get a smoothie,” Whitney says.

I smile and agree. We used to all get smoothies.

“You guys can do whatever. I don’t have any money this time.” Melanie said.

Frick. I could feel the uncomfortable feeling of having money when my friends don’t start. It was like there was an expectation that I would pay for them because I’d done it so many times before.

I’m not paying for her this time. I’m sick of it.

“-as tall as me! It would be so cute on the fence at my house.” Melanie was saying. “And I wanted to get it but it was eighty dollars. I FaceTimed my mom and a cousin to show them it.”

I held in a sigh. This was a safe conversation. All I had to do was listen.

I listened to them talk about plants and work, drifting in and out of the conversations. I pulled out my phone to see if I had any updates and got sucked into an app.

“I’m kind of in the mood for a sandwich, but I can still stop for a smoothie if you want Gwen.” Whitney told me.

I looked up at her. “Oh it’s fine then.”

“What?” Melanie asked, turning to look at me. “You wanted one earlier.”

“Yeah, but I was just going to get one because you guys were. If you’re not getting one then it’s fine.”

“No, we can stop.” Whitney told me.

“I’m fine, but thanks.” I told her, putting my phone away.

“You’re being weird.” Melanie told me.

I frowned, panic crawling up my chest. “What?”

“Why are you being so quiet and sad? What’s wrong?” She asked.

“I’m a quiet person.” I defended.

Melanie snorted and Whitney laughed, “No you’re not. Not this quiet.”

Annoyance was joining the panic. I genuinely am quiet, and I don’t love being the center of attention or talking too much.

“Yes I am. Nothing’s wrong.” I told them. “I’m fine.”

Melanie raised an eyebrow and looked at me like I was an idiot. “Mhm.”

I glared at her hair as she turned forward again.

“Actually, I’m feeling like a breadstick.” Whitney said. “Do you want some?”

I smiled wryly. I love breadsticks, but I’m not really in the mood for them. “No thank you.”

Melanie whipped around. “Ha! See, you’re acting weird! You love breadsticks.”

I gave her a polite smile. “I do, but I’m full. I ate before heading over.”

Melanie scoffed.

We pulled up to the drive through and Whitney gave me a smug look. “Are you sure you don’t want any? I’m going to ask for them fresh.”

I shook my head with my polite smile still in place. “No thank you, I’m not feeling it.”

“You can’t get sick anymore, you act weird afterwards.” Whitney said.

“Excuse me? This is not because of me being sick!”

Now I’m freaking pissed.

“Well you don’t normally act like this.” Melanie added.

“You know what?” My patience snapped. “YOU GUYS are the ones acting weird. Leave me alone.”

They got their breadsticks and we rode in silence back to Whitney’s house.

“I forgot, I was going to show you a new song I heard, Mel.” Whitney said, turning on a song.

I cringed. I didn’t love it.

“This is pretty good.” Melanie said.

They started listening to a bunch of songs that weren’t my vibe and then one that I liked came on.

They started singing it and I could feel their expectation for me to sing along.

Mentally, I flipped them off. I’m not just going to pretend nothing happened.

We finally got to Whitney’s house and I got out of the car. “It was nice to see you guys again.”

I hopped in my car and drove home, knowing I wouldn’t be doing that again.

Once home, I curled up into a ball on my sofa.

Well, there goes my hope for a rekindled friendship.

I sighed. “I think I’m getting another sickness.”