I've tried so hard But my legs are tired All of my scars Came from your bared wire

I tried to save you But you didn't care What can I do? With someone who just states

All these attempts All theses words Just shoved away in the back of your mind Where everything is hidden from the light

So I now say good-bye And you might want me back Don't you know I tried? Yet your acceptance is what I lack

Every day I fail someone new

First it my parents Then my teachers Friends Siblings Family

Until there’s no one here for me All because I failed them Because I disappointed them And left them

All because of me

My obituary was written in red ink. In this repetitive nightmare, I’m always swallowing what I really want to say And I become almost insignificant in the shadow of man. Being unheard is the worst heartbreak. I begged for the Guillotine to whisk away with my head. I got on my knees for the Lord to smite me. I laid on a roulette wheel, Hoping for lightning to strike me dead. I tried on my mother’s veil And made it a noose. But I just hung there in the tree Like a pinyata waiting for a bat to open me up, Candy guts spilled over in the grass. I weighed the emptiness in milligrams But purged the feelings of inadequacy And flushed them down the toilet. The only way to silence the screaming in my head Is to kiss the receiving end of my father’s shotgun And blow my own mind.

every morning I wake up go in the bathroom look in the mirror think, hey wait I kind of look pretty today then I wash my face brush my teeth and put my contacts in look in the mirror once again oh nevermind then

I need the courage to tell him. I don’t have the courage. If this relationship will work he has to know.

A plan forms in my mind, a bad plan, but a plan nonetheless. I do not pull on my t-shirt, remaining in just my shorts as I bustle around the kitchen.

The knock at the door is right on time, exactly 16:00, and I let him in, then, feeling my plan about to fail, go back on it, grabbing my t-shirt from the sofa, but not before he’s seen the scars that lace my torso like some intricate spiders web made of cotton strands and wooden planks.

He doesn’t move beyond the door for shock.

I act like I haven’t noticed and wait for him to say something, pulling the t-shirt over my head, and then, as his silence is upheld, I look in him the eyes, ‘What?’.

‘You… Your… What?’

I freeze, the words suddenly refusing to leave me, my body refusing to move, and now he moves a bit further into the flat, shutting the door quietly and coming up to me, cupping his hands round my face.

‘What happened to you?’ ‘Noth- Don’t worry.’ ‘Not worry about the fact that my boyfriend is covered in scars?’ He steps toward me. ‘More of a: not need to know what happened to your boyfriend.’ I still a trembling hand. ‘Look, you can talk to me. Always. I’m not going to push it, but…’ he lets his voice trail off. ‘And you’re fine with it. Still love me? Still staying with me?’ I can’t believe he would. ‘Always.’

At a mountain peak nature speaks . But fears become heavy and the air becomes tight .

The mountain is too high to scale ! Am I going pale ? Do I get up and bail ? Just take a breath and inhale .

Doubt begins to sink as I begin the descent down , as I give in with a frown . As negativity forms a wave intoxicating my brain , but there only my determination to blame.

Try to distract me from the fact I’m losing track of time , The way my mind persists to make a list of each risk , all the dangers the stand before my destination.

my efforts are worth nothing I can’t stop coughing .

All you do is complain about the uneven terrain or the way pain claims my body and leaves me in strain.

I cant scale the mountain peak . Maybe I am weak .

TW: Christian theme ——✝️—-

If I could just say the perfect words, if I could show you. If I could make you feel. It all escapes me, I shift under the burden and try to wipe away the blood. I rise to the occasion, and pour out another shovel full of dirt atop my head. I bow, I stand. I’m not the same anymore. I’m not the shame anymore. Make me burn again, Lord. Make me the inferno, the searing sun. Consume me and have me consume. I’ve dropped the cross, send me someone to help me lift it.

Failure The worst word I know It burns in my thoughts Stays permanently Forever engraved

I see it Behind my eyelids In my mistakes In my doubts In my inactions

I hear it A whisper of defeat directly into my ears making me believe every word

I smell it A gasoline odor invades my nose Pinch nostrils to avoid the stench

I taste it The bitterness lingers The sour sting that makes me cringe

I feel it Sharp spikes Cutting into skin I’m afraid So terrified of failing that I fail because I don’t even start

Even after facing repeated failures while pursuing your goals, remember that failure is not the end. Instead of giving up, make some adjustments and try again. It's common for people to become discouraged and stop trying after a setback, but it's important to regroup, refocus, and keep pursuing your dreams. Remember that we have all experienced failure at some point in our lives, yet we are still here and have the opportunity to try again. With each new day, we have the chance to find a better way and continue living.

Forgive me lord, for I have sinned, Though I know not from what, Perhaps it is my lack of sleep That puts me in this rut, I hear the devil’s words at night Those fears he does incite, Those spiders in my flapping skin Awakening the blight, Those nails, long and unabridged That petrissage my nose And leave my head in search of space, My mind now food for crows My thoughts are filled with viscera And smut and ill intent, I am too tired to write of it, I am too spent to vent.

Oh, where have all the good words gone? When were the muses slain? When did their ashes swirl about And scatter in the rain? Calliope, I knew her Alas, she is but bone Her slaughter beamed in colour Onto every screen and phone Oh, do take her to Funkytown! Do grind her into dust! Do lock her in a crypt behind Some Oedipusic lust! Do push her torso further down Into the tumble dryer! Do violate her bareback And keep her in the mire! Do trap her in the monkey cage Until she howls and cries! Do light a mourning cigarette And burn her as she dies.

Our planet is a news stand, A disparate mess of views, A million little stimulants We can’t help but abuse, The papers are for dressing up The algorithmic fronts, A journalist for everything And nothing all at once, The world it must be seen not told And never must it rhyme, To sing is to be Dada And it surely is a crime, So melt into your cabriolet And pour yourself a scotch, For when there’s so much happening We can do nought but watch.