I was tired of being lonely. I always thought that online dating was only for losers and desperate nerds, but I had nothin to lose so I decided that today was the day I would give it a try. I decided I wasn’t going to use the popular apps, like tinder or bumble cause I was worried that one of my classmates might see my profile and everyone would cyber bully me. My best friend Ralph got cyber bullied last year…..he didn’t make it. People at school found out that he played neopets and the teachers organized an assembly where they shot him and fed him to the special ed. kids and burned his house down and punched a hole right through his grandmas ass and spray painted the words “RAT FUCKER” on his driveway and rigged his moms van with a huge bomb and it blew up when his mom was driving with his grandma and stole his clothes and wore them. Anyways, I decided I was going to use the website “sloppypussymilfs.com”. I only had pictures of me taking a bath with my dad but they were better than nothing so I uploaded them. My carefully crafted bio said , “not looking for casual hookups, trying to have big babies. If you got a bush don’t even FUCKIN waste my time. I like it sloppy and I like cumming and I like SHITTING. If that’s too much for you then LOG OFF!”

It started slow and I was losing hope, these ladies had pussies way sloppier than I ever thought possible. Most of them looked like incense burning cat ladies and I was ready to give up. Finally I found someone that got my attention. This lady was gorgeous, her photo was her on boat with a fishing hook in her ass. She seemed familiar. I messaged her and said, “you seem like a cool chick, I like the asshole boat picture, you are juicy”. My mom began giggling and blushing while reading her phone on the couch. She replied “OMG u just made me laugh in front of my son!” I replied back, “I wouldn’t mind seein deeper into your asshole.” She replied back “ok one second”. My mom stood up on the kitchen table and dropped her pants and stuck her phone into her ass and took a photo, which kinda killed the mood but I ignored her. Moments later I received a real dirty sexy photo of the inside of an asshole. My dad was watchin a war documentary and didn’t notice any of this. This was for sure my mom. This was so wild, “meet me in the backyard for sex” I held my breathe and hit send. My mom sprinted into the backyard. I slowly tiptoed outside and approached her on the swing set. “MAMAAAA BABY NEEDS MILKY!” I screamed as I powerbombed her off the playhouse roof. Her tits had veins all over them and I knew that those veins had milk in them. “GET IN THE DOGHOUSE!” I demanded and she started barking wildly as I sprayed her eyes with the hose. She fell in front of my neighbours truck and got her hair stuck in the tire as he pulled out of his driveway. She slapped her clit and sucked her own tits as gravel sprayed all down the driveway.