Sometimes I feel numb, immune. the sensation of shock, or relief is the only thing grounding me to earth. every step i take is softer than the one before, and sometimes i can't feel my feet. but here i am, laying in snow. my body screaming. yet my mind quiet. the sounds are gone. such an odd feeling. though i do not enjoy it, it is a distraction. my mind is pink and green, like flowers in a garden. thoughts race around like a bee. trying desperately to find the best flower. which version of myself i should enjoy the most. the moment this feeling is gone though i know i should go back to the same old me. because i so desperately love the person i will never be. the one i will never be capable of becoming. how can i love myself so passionately, but yet hate myself so damn much, all at the same time.