My long lost Buzzard,

Your voice appeared to me again in a dream. I was afraid, believing you were only there to wilt my feathers once more, preventing me from ever flying again. I was frantic, convinced hiding from you was the only way to be freed, but you still found me. I’m unsure as to why you are searching for me when you scolded me and threatened to never show my face to you in this lifetime. You approached me with a gift in your hands, gently saying that you have been searching all over for me. You didn’t come to harm me, but to make peace with me. I wanted to explain how I felt during our last moments together, but I was incapable of speaking. Shock controlled my whole body and my mouth couldn’t form the words that I so desperately wanted to say. I have been silent since that last moment with you, fearing that you would return and massacre my entirety. Why did you come back to me after all this time? I was certain your hate for me was so great that you would never think twice of making any notion towards my direction. I was beginning to accept the fate of life without you, finally freeing myself of the time spent with you, learning who you are, or who I believed you to be. “I love you” were the only words flowing through your lips, awakening my soul a little more each time you said them to me, but that isn’t enough to bring me back to you. I was convinced that I was the disease you were escaping in your life, becoming part of the reason you secluded yourself from the outside world. Those words you spoke from the hurts and anger you felt were like setting me on fire as if I were a witch being burned at the stake for false accusations. I never lied to you about my love, but you lied about protecting me and keeping me safe in any circumstance. How can I trust your “I love you’s” when you wrapped the very hands that were meant to hold my pains around my neck, silencing my voice from those cries I desperately needed to release in that moment. I love you…loved you…but I have forbidden myself from expressing those true emotions to you out of fear of being burned once more. I have never tricked you during our time together, nor have I ever meant to cause you more pain in this life. Forgive me for drawing closer to you when you warned me to stay away. We weren’t meant to meet in this lifetime, but maybe the next. Love me purely then, but for now, please don’t visit me in my dreams anymore. I can’t handle the pains that follow you.

Your Little Dove