ME: Well, hello there. I’m not sure who you think I am…

HE: Jessie

ME: I’m not Jessie. And I can assure you I am not one to stand anyone up.

HE: What??

HE: Don’t fuck wih me Jessie

ME: I’m not Jessie. Check the number.

HE: This IS the number!!!

ME: Well, I’m not Jessie. Was it a first date?

ME: Perhaps you were given the wrong number, or you entered it incorrectly.

HE: You called me

HE: That’s how I got your number

ME: You know, people can manipulate the number that shows up on caller ID. I don’t know how they do it.

ME: No one has access to my phone… at least not that I recall.

HE: I don’t believe you

ME: I’m not Jessie, I don’t know a Jessie.

ME: I have no idea how people change their caller ID to show up differently.

ME: How did you meet?

HE: A bar

ME: Maybe she has a burner phone with a manipulated caller ID for such encounters.

HE: Haha maybe

ME: So, what bar?

HE: 7 and elm

ME: Where? What city and state?

HE: PA

ME: Well, that narrows it down.

ME: When?

HE: Saturday

ME: I didn’t go anywhere Saturday night.

ME: I don’t go to bars.

ME: I did give my phone number to someone that afternoon.

ME: In a store. There were other customers there.

ME: Hello?

HE: Duck

HE: Duck

HE: fuck

ME: Enjoy your evening.

HE: Sorry

HE: For bothering you

ME: No bother. Nice to chat with you.

ME: I do hope you have a nice evening and meet someone kind and considerate.

HE: Thanks

HE: Me too

ME: You can’t be all that bad. You actually spell all your text words out.

HE: LOL

HE: Seltzer

ME: ?

HE: Pa

ME: Oh.

ME: That’s actually not too terribly far from me.

HE: 8:00?

ME: See you then.