(Just a warning. This chapter didn’t feel all that great. But I’m still posting it because I have a feeling it’s what I need to be able to take the story in the direction I want it to go. So thanks for the reads!! They mean the world to me!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️)

Chapter 6

Davian

It’s funny really. The fact that the first person I think of going to is Mom. But in reality, Mom is now Tommy. And Tommy . . . I don’t know what to say to Tommy. Still I keep walking, my arms folded across my chest as a soft summer breeze blows around me.

It takes only a few minutes to walk back home. That’s the thing I always loved about this town. You can be anywhere you want, when you want. You don’t need to drive, or even own a bike. You’re born with what you need.

It’s not exactly a surprise when I see Tommy sitting on our porch swing, but what is a surprise is that Allie isn’t with them. _It’s your fault._ I think as I walk up the driveway. _Just like everything else._

Tommy looks up at me as I climb the three porch steps, I keeping my eyes off of his.

“Davian,” he says. I can’t tell if he’s relived, mad, or both. But still he slings his arm around me when I take a seat next to him, the swing slowly rocking back and forth.

“I couldn’t do it,” I whisper, tears creeping into my eyes, blurring the world around me.

Tommy sighs, licking his lips. He’s not mad. He’s just scared. Scared because I left, scared because life is scary. “It’s okay.” He mumbles, giving my shoulder a tiny squeeze. “It’ll be okay.”

“But it won’t be,” I protest. “How can it?”

“Because that’s how life works. We fail, we succeed, we cry, we laugh. It’s broken, it’s fixed. It’s not okay, it’s okay.”

I can’t help but let a small smile come to my lips. “You sound like Allie.”

Tommy lets out a small laugh. “Yeah.” He lets out a breath. “Well she’s rubbed off on me . . . And she’s right.”

“So . . .” I let my voice fade into the early morning. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Keep living,” Tommy says. His voice strong, confident, too much like Mom’s.

“Sounds hard.”

Tommy shrugs, turning his hazel eyes to mine. “Only if you let it be.”

Again, I smile. Allie really has rubbed off on him. But I like it, it’s perfect. And I have no idea why.

“How do I fix it?” I ask, staring out at the huge green tree across the street.

Tommy doesn’t say anything, he just follows my gaze.

“I want to make it right,” I continue. “But I can’t.”

“You can,” he says. “If it’s what you truly want. If you believe, you can, then there’s nothing stopping you.”

I guess this is true. Except I do have something stopping me, am I going to apologize? Or . . . Am I going to lie? Keep a secret so she doesn’t leave me.

“I saw her,” I blurt out as Tommy keeps his gaze on the tree. “And there is something stopping me.”

Out of the corner of my eye I see a small smile break across Tommy’s lips. “She was pretty, wasn’t she?”

Why did I say that? “I never said that.”

Tommy gives me a small nudge. “You didn’t need to.”

I feel all the blood rush to my cheeks, maybe he’s a mind reader. Or a heart reader. “I just . . .” I start searching for the right words. “Felt something, I guess. Something different.”

Tommy’s lips are still curved into a small smile. “You don’t want her to hate you. And that’s what’s stopping you. The fact that once you tell her the truth, she’ll never wanna see you again.”

If she even sees me. I don’t know if I’ll ever go back to the hospital . . . Or if she’ll ever come out. A single tear leaves my eye, I can’t let her die.

“She’s not okay,” I say, my heart talking ahead of my actual sense. “She’s hurt.”

Tommy’s smile vanishes. “Oh.”

I nod. “There’s nothing I can do. I can’t tell her the truth and expect her to like me. And I can’t not tell her the truth, because then I’d be lying.”

Tommy takes a deep breath. “There’s always another way.” He says.

I shake my head, more tears springing into my eyes. “No. It’s black and white. There’s no grey.”

“Who says you’re looking for grey?”

A new voice says, a sweet voice. Allie’s voice. She walks over to us, Tommy scoots over making room for her in the middle of us. Allie takes a seat, ignoring Tommy and coming straight to me. My heart jumps, but then I see her. The girl in the hospital, and I feel nothing.

“There’s so many other colors,” Allie says. “So many other choices.”

Why does talk have to be so easy? I want the action to be easy, but I guess that’s why actions speak louder than words. Because they aren’t as easy to do.

“I don’t know what to do,” I say for the millionth time. “I don’t know what choice to make.”

Allie gives me her comforting smile, reaching for my hand that’s laying on my leg. She takes it in hers, holding it gently. “You do,” she tells me. “It’s in your heart, in your soul. You just have to be brave enough to see.”

It’s funny how that makes sense but at the same time I feel like she’s reading Shakespeare. “How?”

Allie squeezes my hand. “Davian,” she brings her free hand to my cheek, turning my face, to look at hers. Her eyes are laced with tears, tears I’ve made. “You just keep going. You’ve already done so much, this is just another bump in the road. Another cliff you need to be brave enough to jump off of.”

So, I go back to the hospital. Hope she’s okay, hope she’s awake and then what? Follow my heart? Jump off the cliff and hope I don’t drown in the water? I guess there’s nothing else to do.

I lean into Allie, letting my head rest against hers as her hand stays in mine. “Tomorrow?” I ask, hoping Allie will take the clue. I’m tried, I’m lost.

Allie’s head moves up and down against mine. “Yeah.”

I let my eyes close, I let the world around me fade to black.

“I’ll be there,” Tommy’s voice breaks the silence. “Tomorrow.”

I feel Allie’s lips breaking into a gentle smile. “So will I.”

I know I should feel happy that they’ve got my back. That I won’t have to face all my fears alone, but all I really feel is pressure. I can’t fail in front of them, I can’t let them down.

But most importantly, I can’t make the wrong choice. I can’t break this girls heart more than I already have. I just have to pick the right color, I just have to jump. Tomorrow.