it was supposed to be me

i did everything right until i couldn’t

when my older brother couldn’t

i went to college, graduated with my degree

when my younger sister couldn’t

i lived without fear, became a leader

when my younger brother couldn’t

i expanded my view, studied gender, politics, art and anything i could get my hands on

it was supposed to be me

the shining jewel of my immigrant family, the one who did all my parents ever wanted

i was gearing to be the favorite child but

i didn’t know the crown could be so heavy

things i loved became trouble and i lost my will

the will to keep going and learning and become something worldly

it was supposed to be me

i’m supposed to be the one who did it all

now i’m back to square one and i can’t even shower

brush my teeth, sometimes eat

i was supposed to be the favorite child

but all i ever did was fall back to infancy