Hi! Your story has a lot of potential. I love the idea of one friend trying to talk the other reluctant friend into robbing a bank, and then the reluctant one is the one who dies. There are a couple things I would work on though.
If Abel is staring so intently to be looking “through my soul” I think I already have his attention. I “pause for a second” seems unnecessary.
“Gets ran over by a car” wait, what? That was really sudden. You need to work on showing, not telling here. Does he look both ways? The car swerves to avoid a pot hole? Is the driver distracted? Do people come running? Does Abel cry out or is he dead instantly? Do I watch the whole scene in slow motion or is it so fast I don’t even understand what happened at first? Try experimenting with making this one sentence into 2 or 3 paragraphs.
Frozen, stuck and can’t move all mean the same thing. Can you find some other words to use here? Or use a little more metaphorical language? Do I try to run to him but it feels like my legs are turning into cement? Am I screaming?
Did the car stop? Are there other people around?
“My heart starts to race” is cliche. Also wasn’t it racing already? We were just talking about robbing a bank. Seems like I would be pretty pumped full of adrenaline from the beginning.
Am I really thinking about robbing the bank still when my friend just died ten seconds ago?
Ok, So I have a gun. Makes sense I guess because I was just planning to rob a bank.
“The last sound I’ll ever hear” good intensity here.
The use of the first person present tense sets a rapid pace. I like it but it needs more detail
I’m not sure about this person shooting themselves right there on the street. Are we sure that Abel is even dead? I could see you drawing this out a lot longer. Going through the different stages of grief. Agonizing for days or weeks or years about what happened, blaming myself, trying to rationalize that it wasn’t my fault, the driver was drunk or speeding, Abel was the one who stepped off the curb without looking, he was just as excited about robbing the bank as I was, but in the end I know it was my fault and so I finally kill myself.
Repeating “if we pull this off, we’re set for life” at the end, I like it, but I want more expanding on this in the context of suicide. I thought I would be set for life, rich, relaxing on a beach somewhere sipping cocktails with million of dollars stashed away, I am set for life because my life is over, etc.
Overall interesting take on the prompt with some good drama and a twist at the end, I always like that. But you need lots more detail.