“No way dude, I’m not doing it!” Abel said, looking me directly in my eyes, through my soul, through me.
“Think about it.” I reply and pause for a second to grab his attention. “If we pull this off, we’re set for life!” Abel looks down with his eyes, then in perfect synchronization we both look at the bank directly across the street.
Abel turns to me and nods. “Let’s do it.”
He takes the first step off the curb onto the street, and gets ran over by a car. My eyes open as wide as my lizard brain would let me.
I’m frozen
Stuck
I can’t move
My heart starts to race
Is this what I want to do
Do I rob this bank right here right now
I grab the gun that’s on my left side and cock it back. The last sound I’ll ever hear. I raise it to the bottom of my chin. My finger is twitching. “If we pull this off, we’re set for life.” I pull the trigger.
This is the first time I’m doing this, it’s currently 3:32 am, and I as I wrote that it is now 3:33. Time seems to move so fast yet, it’s almost like everything around me is stuck in place. I don’t talk to anyone anymore. Not after the voices.
It’s been two days since my last journal entry and I didn’t even notice. Tears constantly falling down my eyes and the only time I acknowledge them is when they drip over my lips and I taste the bitter and salty taste. It’s like my body is moving but I’m not making it do what it’s doing, I don’t even know if I’m writing this out of my own free will or because of some ungodly force taking control of me.
Saturday night. Why was it a Saturday night .
Saturday night. Why was it a Saturday night.
It was Saturday. A Saturday night.
I don’t even remember writing those that few entry’s, I woke up and to my surprise…did I even write that? Am I writing this right now.
“You do this every single time! Why the fuck won’t you listen to me?” I scream at the top of my lungs but it’s as if no one hears me.
“I am listening!” She replies.
“But you don’t understand.” I said trying to hold back the tears already visible in my eyes.
Due to my profession, I’m being constantly invited to party’s and influencer meet ups. My wife never did take kindly to what I do to provide for us, for our children, who luckily are both at school.
“Do you seriously think I got out their do what I do and make this money just so I can fuck other people?! I W-O-R-K every single god DAMN day, and all I hear when I get home is, oh what bitch was you with today, oh who did you cheat on me with this time? If I wanted to be with someone else I would have been left your ass!”
A stare, of heartbreak. The gaze of my wife meant nothing to me at that moment, the love was gone. Their was no need to finish the conversation. I left my stuff, my family, my wife, and all the bottled up hatred right in that very moment, and walked out the door, but not without leaving 30 grand on the table for her to take of my children for the time being.
So I stare at my prized possession, a vintage collectible of Star Man Deity, one of my favorite child hood shows. It would come on every Thursday night at 6:30 pm. When I got this figure at the age of 7, I wasn’t to sure if I would have to resell it. While keeping it in its box was simply for the look as it had a beautiful design of stars, galaxies, and bright beautiful colors all over the box. Right in the center of it all, Star Man Deity. In his signature action pose ripped straight off the cover of the deluxe dvd I also own.
Things come and go in life, that’s one thing I have learned through out my 22 years of being alive, but I never thought Star Man Deity and I would have to part ways like this. I put a offer on a website for him to be sold for $599.99. To my surprise a bid for $2,000! So I took the chance I was given and the guy said he would be here in about 10 minutes so I wait for a it digesting these last moments I have with Star Man Deity.
Life without you is the earth without seasons, To give you all of me, I have my own reasons.
If without you, love I cannot perceive. If without you, the harder it is to breath.
When with you, the light shines bright. When with you, things feel alright.
So when the sun sets, as everyday it does. If without you Forever in my mind What was.
As I see buildings collapse by my very eyes, and witness the destruction of sanity in the human race, the darkness becomes more and more likely to reach me before the light.
Sins of the past, wrong doings of the future, none of it matters now, for I am here. The sun blocked out by smoke, the same smoke that enters my lungs with every breath. My vision becomes blurry as the oxygen that my body needs to survive becomes more and more scarce. Holding on to each breath like it was the hand of my mother. Soon to I shall see her.
