My heart is pounding, I can’t focus on anything. He can’t be gone, he just… can’t. I… I don’t understand. He was supposed to be invincible. He was supposed to beat it. All I can see is his body, right there, in a casket. I’m only fourteen. What am I going to do without him? This wasn’t how my life was supposed to go. He was supposed to teach me to drive, see me graduate, bring me to college, help me buy my first house, walk me down the isle.

He’s gone. He’s actually gone. My heart feels like it’s being torn to shreds. It hurts, so much. How can I live with this pain? I can barely keep standing right now. How am I going to go back to school next week? I knew this would happen, I’ve known it for six months. I’d accepted it. Hadn’t I? I thought I did, so why does it hurt so much? Why do I feel as though the world is ending, like time has stopped? Why does this hurt!? I can’t even feel all of the pain. It hurts so much, it’s numb.

“Lexi?” I turn around to see my friend looking at me, her face full of concern. “Are you okay?”

I take a deep breath before nodding. “Yah. I’ll be fine.” She nods, her expression soft and understanding.

As she walks away to talk to the rest of my family, I go the opposite direction. When I’m certain no one will hear me, I sink to the floor, hugging myself tightly as my body shakes with sobs.

I feel the rage building inside me, it’s like fire, threatening to overwhelm me. I grit my teeth, my nails digging into my sides. All the memories flooding my mind. I’ll never see him smile again, never hear his voice again, never feel the comfort of his hugs.

The waves of emotion threaten to overwhelm me as one thought reaches my mind. It’s not fair. I can’t contain it anymore and let myself scream. It’s full of agony and pain and sadness and anger and fury. It sounds heart wrenching, it sounds like my emotions.

My friend finds me sobbing on the floor in my black dress, she says nothing as she sits down and wraps her arms around me. I hug her tightly as I continue to sob. A few minutes later, I’m finally able to choke out a sentence. It’s extremely quiet and broken, but that’s exactly how I feel.

“It’s not fair.”