I used to think love was urgent

I could feel it trembling in my bones

Demanding to be set free

Demanding I unleash it on anyone

Willing to show me

An ounce of kindness

An inkling of affection

I used to think I had to share it

All of the love inside of me

And if I didn’t

It would waste away

Expiring on a shelf

Like old forgotten apples

Turning moldy

I couldn’t leave any of it behind

But somehow

It never felt right

A puzzle piece that almost fits

But not quite

I used to think love was a rush

A romance novel

Where the guy and girl know

A few days is all it takes

For a happily ever after

To blossom

And so when I found someone

I fell in love

It only took a second

And when they walked away

Because I was too much

I felt something inside of me break

Because if my offered love

Wasn’t good enough for them

What was I worth?

I used to think love

Was a stagnant pool of water

Scummy and dirty

A breeding ground for mosquitoes

Where thousands would grow

Just to feed off of what I had to offer

Where every time I tried to grow

The edges of me would evaporate

So I was once again

Spread thin

Coming down in acid rain

Spreading the scum filled water

So that others would see

The festering pit of anger and rage

That I had become

I used to think

The love I had to offer

Was never meant for me

I was merely a resting stop

For those on a journey

To eat and drink and recharge at

I was meant to give and give and give

But never take

So that I could fix what was broken

In the weary travelers passing by

So they could move forward

And grow in their lives

And I would sit at the rest stop

Watching from a distance as they grew

Feeling the ache of loneliness

As I waited for the next person

To take their journey