I stood on the bridge looking down at the vast sea below and how it shimmered in the darkness, reflecting the moonlight.

Tears rolled down my cheeks one after another as the memory of that evening replayed in my mind.

Coming home from work. Changing my clothes. Making the decision. Scribbling down a note for Sebastian to find when he got home. Getting in the car. Starting up the gps and last but not least, arriving here in the dead of night with 26 missed calls.

I closed my fist around the railing and took a shaky breath.

The water below looks so inviting.

So serene and calm.

So gentle…

…as it waits to drown my body.

I’ve tried everything.

Therapy.

Medication.

Meditation.

Exercise.

Alcohol.

Self harm.

Nothing works.

Now all I have left…

…is the alternative.