How hard can it actually be? To make new friends. I just have to go up and say hi and tell them my name and the rest will flow. Or at least that’s how the sign up video described it. But to be fair, that flier and website made a lot of promises. And for a program that ensures no pressure and no stress, there certainly was a lot of fanfare and confetti…..maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe this wasn’t the chill but exciting thing I was hoping for.

“Hi! You must be Lizzy!”

A shrill voice came from behind me, drowning out my monologue of hesitation and effectively shutting out my chances of escaping before being noticed.

“Hiiiii, yeahhh, that’s meee”

Wow. If I had a chance of convincing my anxiety that I can make a friend, I’ve certainly lost it now. The plan was to say hi as normally as possible. And I’ve already failed. And I can’t even make up for it by giving my name.

“I’m so glad you made it! We’re so excited to meet you! We were super happy with your sign up and really love to show cool people like you new and interesting things with other cool people!! You see, we’re not just a club for making friends, ya know! We also love making new career opportunities!”

“Oh…okay…I wasn’t really looking for a job—“

“It’s not a job, hun! It’s a way of life really! A chance to become your own boss and start something new! To gain freedom that a regular job can’t provide! It’s incredible and that’s why we’re always recruiting new people to join!”

Ahh. Fuck.