STORY STARTER
Whilst you are recovering in hospital, a patient nearby reveals something in their sleep that you're unsure whether you should pass on.
STORY STARTER
Whilst you are recovering in hospital, a patient nearby reveals something in their sleep that you're unsure whether you should pass on.
This was a pretty good piece, my one beef is it being such a big paragraph.
This is a great descriptive piece, but it begs for some paragraphs! As a reader, it is exhausting to try to kind of plow through such nice lines when they all run together! You should think about developing this into a longer piece!
This is such a raw piece great job !
Spooky and well written with great descriptors
This really caught my attention, Emi. Well done. I love the way you set the scene - the description of the hospital room’s walls, the orange curtain, and smell of the sanitisers.
I liked the way you built up the plot, too - adding in more and more details to keep the reader hooked.
There were a couple of things I’d mention:
- paragraphs would have made this a lot easier to read
- there was one line where you used the word “constantly” twice, so perhaps a quick proofread before posting could prevent this from happening
- The ending wasn’t how I expected it to be and opened up a lot more questions which I wanted to be resolved. I guess if you continue the piece there can be more explanations as to why your best friend was the one administering the injection. But given the brevity of the piece I actually felt like the end was a little frustrating.
Overall though, I thought you wrote really well. I’d be keen on reading more of this story and seeing where it ends up :)