Tick Tick Tick

The clock ticking in the ward is the only thing I can hear, other than the constant nagging of my own thoughts which is exactly why I am in this damn hospital. Mom thought it was best that I see a doctor for the disturbing thoughts inside my brain after my best friend died. I look around, the pasty blue walls of my room almost sickening. The window has orange curtains hanging, a sad excuse at trying to make the room happier. The smell of sanitizer and various chemicals making me nauseous. Nothing can make this stupid hospital room happier. Not even my nosy roommate who is always constantly talking in his sleep. I know he doesn’t mean to be annoying, he has good intentions, I just wish he would let me be sometimes. Constantly having to listen to him blabber about everything constantly isn’t helping my whole “recovering insane person” thing. I roll over, as I do so I feel the bars of the bed frame through the extremely thin mattress. I scoff in annoyance. I have been here for months and the mattress is the one thing making me want to end it all. I stare blankly at the door, wondering how easy it would be to fake my way until I escape. No luck. I hear a faint mumbling, so I turn back over to face my roommate, the bars of the bed-frame testing my patience for the 10th time today. I can barely make out the mumbling but I could’ve sworn I heard my roommate say “don’t let them hear me”. “I won’t let them hear you” I say wondering if he could hear me at the volume I was currently speaking at. “We have to get out of here” he hushes, “why? I mean I agree but like.... why so urgently?” I look around, paranoid. “The last roommate I had was in here for the same reason you were, and they took her away in the middle of the night. I could hear her screaming all the way down the hall. Nobody ever spoke of her again when I asked about her. “ he slams his eyes shut. “They are coming down the hall, pretend to be asleep!” He whisper shouts. I flip over so i am facing the door and close my eyes, pulling the thin, uncomfortable blanket over myself. I see the lights turn on outside our door and the faint sound of people talking. The door clicks open and I can hear someone walk up to me. My eyes open immediately when I realize that I have been poked with some sort of needle. I am shocked when I realize the person standing directly over me smiling was my best friend who I presumed dead for over a year and a half. I realize that the needle had some sort of sleeping medicine in it because I slowly fade out of consciousness. I hear the distant voice of my roommate calling out for me to keep my eyes open but its no use.

Now playing: 🎵Rises the moon - Liana Flores🎵

Life without you. What an interesting thing that is. Everyday feels strange knowing that I can’t experience anymore beautiful days with you. To hold you or give you one last “I love you”. I know that some day we will meet again, it just gets harder and harder everyday. I hate being in a world without you in it. I miss how perfectly your face fit into the crook of my neck. How our hands perfectly fit together. I miss your soft “I love you”s and your perfect smile. The moments we had together felt endless and for that I am grateful, I just wish we could create even more memories. To young. You were taken from me too soon. You had a future. With you I had a home. And now it’s gone. Forever. You are gone. I am bitterly reminded whenever I see the shirt you were wearing on my chair. The flashbacks of finding you lifeless on the kitchen floor. Your hair covering your face. I remember screaming, crawling towards you. My limbs feeling like jelly. Seeing the blood all over the kitchen floor, my vision blurry. All I wanted was to feel you against me. To hear you breathing would’ve been enough. I know that you are gone now. I guess it’s time that I accepted that. I just want you to know that I will be okay. You don’t have to worry about me anymore. Im going to complete your dream of wanting to move down to the beach and live in the hut of your dreams. I will do everything I can to make sure that wherever you are, you can live through me. I will experience the happiness that you never had the chance to experience. I love you my sunshine. Until the moon rises upon us once more.