It was our last night. I knew it in my bones. I looked around at all my friends and breathed in my boyfriend’s piercing blue eyes, knowing it was only hours until they would disappear.

I took everything out of the storage chest over and over, trying to cling onto any hope that I would find food, water, a lifeline. But nothing. I felt my heart race and my eyes well up with tears of desperation. I needed air.

I walked through the open door outside toward the beach. There was still devastation surrounding us. Pieces of buildings strewn around, trees upended, and endless debris. I stared at what had been our beacon of hope these last 2 weeks - the lighthouse on the hill across. We had each taken turns going up there every day, trying to send a signal, hoping for a ship passing by. But the last two days, I had seen the lights go in and out. I didn’t know where we were. I hadn’t seen 1 ship in the weeks we’d been here. There wasn’t hope. We were stranded on a strip of land that stretched only a mile long. I pondered over the origins of the lighthouse, coming up with more and more far-fetched stories the longer I stared. Probably colonialism abandoned. Even the British didn’t see any value in this hellscape.

Luckily Shana had overpacked. We made fun of her on the way over - she was always planning for the apocalypse. But she had been our lifeline. I could still taste the beans and beef jerky we feasted on the first few nights.

Our boat had capsized and sunk, but we all miraculously made it to the closest island. I found myself thinking a terrible thought - if one of us had died, maybe we would’ve had the meat to sustain ourselves. I keep thinking I deserve to die because of that thought. I try to shake it out of my head every time it comes up, but all I was aware of anymore were the hunger pains, and it made me singularly focused on this anguishing thought.

I returned back to the shelter we had built together and saw everyone huddled around each other, trying to stay warm. They looked to me for guidance, and I found myself speechless for the first time in my life. I had never faced this kind of fear before. I had always been able to find a way out.

I turned around to look at the lighthouse, still standing out against the setting sun and the beautiful pink sky. The lights flickered again.

I walked all the way back and joined the huddle. We all sat in silence as it sunk in. The only sound were the waves ebbing and flowing into the sand. Maybe this wasn’t the worst way to die. Among friends, among beauty, among peace.

We leaned against one another and looked toward the lighthouse, waiting for the moment when our hope would be extinguished. And as the sun set, I didn’t feel the icy chill hit me like it had every night, I just felt the warmth of my friends. An involuntary smile gently crept onto my face as I put my head on Brent’s shoulder. I watched as the light stopped spinning, and burned brilliantly right at us, brighter than ever.

With a final flickering of the lights, I took a deep breath, knowing I had done everything I could to save us.