It’s hard to be inconspicuous when you’re hanging upside down.
I watched their wicked faces contort with laughter. Some of them were doubled over in tears. I tried fruitlessly to pull myself upright. This was supposed to be a private practice. I was gonna show them…
But no, of course not. How could I believe that I, the anemic girl who could only afford wash her hair and clothes once a week, would ever be seen as an equal?
I bit back my tears. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to prove them wrong. I had snuck into the school gym every night this week, spending three hours trying to pull myself to the top of the rope. I’d been so proud of myself today for finally making it past the first knot.
“That’s the best you can do?”** **I heard Katie’s voice below me. I whipped my head down. She was smirking, one hand on the chair I had used to boost myself up to the rope.
“No, please, don’t.” I begged. I had been afraid of heights my whole life and Katie knew that. We had been best friends until middle school, when she began hanging out with the wealthier kids and left me behind.
Katie laughed and dragged the chair to the dark corner of the gym, completely out of reach. I tried to slow my panicked breathing.
“You got up, you can make it back down.” I repeated over and over in my mind.
Suddenly, I heard a cacophony of laughing voices coming towards the gym door.
Katie walked back towards me. I made eye contact with her as she neared the rope. There was a cruelty and contempt in her eyes - gone was the empathetic girl I used to know. I had turned from her tribe mate to her prey.
She grabbed ahold of the bottom of the rope and swung it back and forth, violently. I lost my grip and my head swung towards the ground. I barely hung on, my thighs squeezing the rope for dear life.
Katy let go of the rope as the gym door banged open. The rest of her friends crowded the gym. As soon as they saw me, it was open season.
The laughter was deafening. One of them pulled out their phone and took pictures of me.
“Nice one, Katie!” yelled Nick, the short brunette who never stopped bragging about his dad’s successful tech startup. Katie curtsied and skipped back over.
There was nowhere to hide, I was completely stuck there, a deer caught in the headlights. I didn’t have the strength to pull myself up, and if I let go, I’d fall and hit my head. I closed my eyes and tuned them out until their voices were a dull roar, hoping they would get bored and leave soon.
But it was never-ending and eventually, my thighs started to slide down the rope. My feet and hands were going numb and my legs were shaking. I tried one last Hail Mary.
“HELP! HELP!!” I screamed as loud as I could. Their faces changed.
“Shut up!” yelled the big, dumb muscle of the group, Ken. But I didn’t.
“HEELLLPPPP!” I yelled louder.
He started towards me, but Nick held him back.
“Dude we better go. We can’t get caught. My dad will kill me if I get expelled.”
That gave me some confidence. I screamed louder and louder, using all of my energy.
“HELLLPPP! HELPPPPP! HEEEEELLLLPPPP!!!”
They all jumped at the sound of loud feet storming down the hall, and bolted through the emergency exit door. I let out a shaky sigh of relief, and finally let myself cry.
The door slammed open. It was Coach Carr, my PE teacher and coach of the girl’s varsity soccer team. He quickly ran over to me.
“Let go, I’ll catch you.” He said calmly.
“No no no no, I can’t move. I can’t move.” I panicked. I could still see how far the ground was below me.
“You can do it. Take a deep breath.” He said, encouragingly.
My left thigh began to slip lower. I clamped onto the rope tighter, my whole body shaking and burning, and took a deep breath.
I felt the relief of his arms a moment later, realizing I had done it. I had jumped.
“Nice one, Syd!” He said with an enthusiasm I hadn’t heard before. He gently laid me down on the ground.
“Don’t get up yet. You’ll get dizzy.” He sat cross-legged next to me and we waited in silence for a minute.
“I should probably suspend you for sneaking in here.” He said. I looked over in panic, ready to plead, but he continued,
“But I’m proud of you, Syd. You’re a good kid. Next time, just ask for help if you need it. Before you end up slipping off a rope 10 feet off the ground.” he added with a mock scolding tone.
“Thanks Coach.” I said quietly. It was the first time anyone had told me they were proud of me.
“Now let’s get you home.” He offered me his hand and pulled me up. He held my shoulders while I steadied myself, and we slowly made our way out of the school, where I had gone in feeling like a loser, and left feeling hopeful. All things considered, that night was a win.
Long, grey scuff marks marred the white leather that surrounded the patterned, dull beige canvas. The canvas itself was littered with faded, light pink watermelon slices, half rubbed away inside deep, permanent crinkles. The matching laces, both frayed and one missing its aglet, spewed dust into the air under the friction of her tightly lacing them up. The brown rubber soles were mainly rubbed smooth, but the corners of her heels revealed evidence of the zigzagging grooves that once existed.
We ran aground when we hit the estuary. Captain Mead’s eyes widened as the ship crashed into the shallow rocks at the mouth of the river. I turned away to hide my disdain.
I had opposed the decision to head north, but he had overruled me. He was stubborn, and his pride had now left us all stranded at god knows where. I had tried to get the crew on my side before we departed Port Nolte. I had explained to them that we had to travel east to make it to the fortress in time to save the others. But they argued amongst themselves for too long. It seemed me and Captain Mead were the only decisive ones aboard this ship, and he was the one at the helm. At least for now.
Latch onto your chest Drape my legs across your lap So you know I’m yours
Butterfly kisses I trace from your jaw to ear Whisper “I want you”
My vanilla scent Overwhelms your self-control Turns your eyes to black
You spin me around Forget uneaten pizza Trade for salty skin
No past and future Surrounded by fairy lights I only see you
I watched as the beautiful, brunette woman calmly pressed one black stiletto onto the gas pedal. Her facial expression was one of nonchalant determination. There was no evidence of any nerves on her part, whereas my brow dripped anxious sweat watching her relaxed focus.
The bullzoer eased forward smoothly and soon she was turning in perfect circles, and pressing the correct buttons at the correct times. Buttons I didn’t even know existed. This woman knew what she was doing.
She pulled the bulldozer back into the exact spot she started in and hopped out, landing evenly on both heeled feet.
As she walked towards me and the hiring manager, she smiled. The manager did not smile back.
Soon, I was inside the bulldozer, my brow dripping even more sweat than before. The ride did not go well. I ended up going in the wrong direction several times, starting and stopping suddenly, and at one time, releasing the large shovel, or whatever it was called, while I was moving, dumping dirt onto one of the other employees. I jerked to a stop as close as I could get to the woman and the hiring manager, which was several feet in front of them. I hopped out and tripped, landing on my side.
I pushed myself up and walked towards the hiring manager, staring down in embarrassment. When I got close enough to him, he clapped an arm on my shoulder encouragingly. I looked up to see him smile.
“Nice driving man, you’re hired.” I stared at him in disbelief, as did the woman.
The hiring manager turned towards the woman.
“I have a job for you too, sweetheart. There’s a teapot in the break room. You can serve me in my office.”
She rested her stinging cheek against the cool tiles of the bathroom wall. There was a relief, like rubbing vaseline on an open wound. She closed her eyes and heard the hum of the air filter, quickly unfogging the small space from her scalding shower.
She knew that when she opened the door, she wouldn’t see his navy blue sheets tucked neatly around his full bed, or the breathtaking view from his wide window onto the river, or him in his black boxers, laying back on the brown leather couch, waiting for her head to replace the book in his hands.
She would feel the unpleasant shock of the frigid AC as soon as she stepped onto the old green carpet of her new, borrowed room. She had become hyperaware of how permanent her goosebumps felt now. He was her only warmth, her only home.
Before the thoughts could overtake her again, she abruptly stood up and ran out to the worn, antique dresser. She opened the top drawer and quickly slipped on his familiar, oversized white t-shirt that she had yet to wash. She jumped under the blinding white bedsheets of her new, king-sized, four-poster bed. She curled up, hugging her knees to her chest, unable to keep her body heat from dissipating quickly. As was usual for the past two weeks, she shivered until her body ran out of energy to keep her eyes open. She hoped for a never-ending sleep. She was only at home in her dreams.
My tears turn you on You create them a lot But I love the way you wipe them off Over and over
Your caramel eyes search mine Dance around my lips and nose For any sign of a hole In the armor I created for you
A place to shoot your arrow And heal my wounds too
I feel your sting and your warmth But the latter makes my heart beat faster And makes me forgive you
