I knew it was bad for me. I knew it was a hard addiction.

But every time I saw that deep green inviting me for a swim, every time I saw that raven black screaming for me to tangle my fingers in the soft locks, I had to get another hit.

Like today.

Today I was sitting in my favorite coffee shop at my favorite table where the sun shines just right on my face. It’s the perfect start to the day.

It was made even more perfect when he walked in. The shop’s bell announced his arrival with a sweet song.

He walked in and I saw nothing but his firm gaze and his smooth glide.

I promised myself I would stop. There was no reason to keeping talking to him when it was always going to end in heartbreak.

But I broke that promise as I stood up.

Just one more conversation. Just one more chuckle.

“Hey, funny running into you here!” I announce, sidling next to him in line.

He turns to look at me and his smirk makes it all worth it, “Hey, you. Funny that you are in the same place you are every morning”.

I shrug, trying to ignore my racing heart, “Eh, I’m like a cat. I like the sunspot!”

He chuckles and I have to resist grabbing his hand and leaning closer.

“Well, that makes SK much sense! By the way, Cathy’s outside if you want to say hi”.

Cathy. His girlfriend. My best friend.

We always talked and gossiped about the best looking guys in class, which ones we would ask out if we got the courage.

She got the courage much sooner than me.

I smiled, “I might just do that!”

But she was still my best friend.

I walked out the doors, the sweet chimes celebrating my resolve to walk away.

“Hey, girl!” Cathy squealed as soon as she saw me.

“Cathy! Still not getting within 10 feet of coffee shops?”

She wrinkled her nose, “gross. I don’t need to go smelling all of the sickening caffeine. It’s one of Carson’s fiancé responsibilities to grab my tea and spare me the suffering”. She opened her arms, “now come give me a hug! It’s been TOO long”

I go in for the hug and ignore how my heart skips a beat at his name.

Cathy’s hugs have always been warm and comforting.

It reminds me of when we met in middle school because we were forced together for a stupid group project.

It reminds me of when she would comfort me time and time again. For the big things like my parents’ divorce and for the little things like a failing grade.

It reminds me why she has been my best friend since forever.

I solidify my decision.

The constant desire to be with Him, to be His. The addiction to the possibility.

It’s easy to let go now.

Cathy is worth letting it go.