shes long and might not make sense BUT BEAR WITH ME PLS

N didn't think twice about it when he flicked on the TV, everything so familiar to him already- furniture arranged just the way he liked, books scattered around, a few plants sprinkled here and there, and he felt at home.

Didn't need the shelves of Kaws characters or the sometimes overly spacious living room. He felt- good.

Flipped through the channels slowly, waiting to see if something caught his attention, burying further into the loveseat.

"--found dead in his city apartment." and N's eyebrows furrowed, vaguely recognizing the blurry image on the screen, quickly switching back to the news.

His heart thrummed in his chest, inching closer to the screen, squinting-

black hair, sleepy eyes, gummy smile- he was on his feet, gripping the plastic frame with impending tears. Y, Y, Y- It's Yg.

They were playing dance practice videos, Y's long hair tied back, alone- looked the same as he did yesterday- Y, Y- but sad music hummed in the background, unfit with the hip-hop choreography.

"our hearts go out to those close to hi-"

The tears dripped down his face, closing his eyes, wanting to get out, go back.

Shit shit shit

He felt like he was drowning, suffocating with too much air and not enough-

I wanna go back, I wanna go back—

He was *running before tripping on his feet, landing on a soft carpet, still heaving, still crying, everything dark.

but he recognized his real room, stumbled to his feet,

straight out the door, down the stairs, to his bike, Y the only thing in his mind.

His legs hurt, lungs burned, shivering at the cold when he got off, letting the bicycle scatter, sprinting again.

He knocked once, twice, couldn't stop with the headline circling his head.

"Aspiring rapper, M Y, found dead in his city apartment."

N knows Y, his struggles, knows better than anyone else how much Y suffers, but-but Y would never- he'd never- even if he- he wouldn't-

N's chest still heaved, trying to hold back the tears, when a dazed Y opened the door, blinking rapidly.

"N-NJ? N?" N nodded, tongue heavy in his mouth, throat tight, still trembling under his sleep shirt.

"You're alive-" His voice splintered painfully, tears finally spilling down his cheeks, Y's bleary eyes wide when he pulled at N's wrist, tugging him inside. Slim hands grasped at his face, pulled him close.

"Hey, I'm here, I'm okay, yeah?" Y knows N's worries. Y knows N's worst fear.

He nodded, couldn't bring himself to speak, hands shaking when they came up to grab at Y- the sheer relief making him want to cry harder.

"You're freezing." Y pulled him further into the house, into the comfort of his bedroom, sitting N down on his bed with a kiss to his forehead. "Stay here. I'll make you something."

A smile and N was nodding, hesitant when he let Y go, still felt shaken up, couldn't stop the burst of tears, watching Y's blurry figure disappear into the kitchen.

He stood from the bed, rubbed his face, tried to convince himself it was all fake; a bad, bad nightmare, but the heavy yank in his stomach refused to go away, screaming at him that it was true, Y- Y was dead somewhere out there-

He shook his head, tugged on his hair- couldn't stop fucking crying.

He was following the path to the kitchen before he realized, behind Y. pulled him away from the stove, still shivering, even in the warmth of the house.

And Y stayed quiet, tiptoed to hug N properly, let the younger clutch onto him until N was panting, tears drying slowly in the dark, eyes drooping with newfound exhaustion.

"let me stay with you?" almost inaudible, and Y was grinning, nodding, so soft without a guard, in the comfort of his home, in the comfort of N's arms.

"stay however long you want." N knows he meant it.

they did this often- but it wasn't often that N came knocking on Y's door, wasn't often that the younger broke down and asked Y for help.

So Y grabbed his hands, let himself tug N down to press their lips together. Delicate, the barely there press of skin against skin but it was enough to calm N's senses, sighing into Y soft mouth and letting his thoughts melt into a puddle of y, y, y, y-

he felt like a starved man, forgetting how well they fit together, how responsive y was under him.

they didn't do this often.

but it was still second nature to N, wrapping his arms around y's smaller frame, pulling him away from the kitchen, back into the dark bedroom, knowing, loving how pliant y got like this.

His breath stuttered when N turned them, still blindly feeling for the bed, but then a giggle, a small, "you're walking me to the pantry," and a tug to N's collar, had them back to square one, trying not to laugh, N sighing into y's neck with a kiss to his shoulder.

He's okay.

"Thank you,"

A soft hum from Y and N was pulling him closer still, the ugly, heavy feeling back in his stomach. "you-you're okay though, right?"

...a long pause, and N could tell Y was contemplating the answer.

"Better than I've been in a while," Y turning his head to rest against N's sternum and he could almost see the gummy smile in the dark, made his stomach flip and palms sweat.

but, "did you have a nightmare?"

Namjon could only nod, the knot in his throat asphyxiating him, even with Y's arms around him, with soft lips leaving butterfly kisses up his chest.

"I'm sorry, Nj-ah. I'm here... I'm alive,"

knows N's worst fear.

"yeah,"

---

thank you for giving her a chance

pls do let me know how to improve!

this is part of a longer story so it might be kind of out of place lollllll regardless thank you and have a great day hehehehh