The letter awaited me at the front door.

It lay face down among other envelopes. I flipped it over and seeing the name took me back.

I lifted the envelope off the floor and held the weighty packet in my hands.

Curiosity told me to open it, common sense told me to throw it away.

Here I was torn, once again because of him. I thought I was better, I thought everything was alright again. I thought I could move on.

Hate rose from somewhere deep inside. I hated that he couldn't let me move on. He always finds a way back in.

I ripped the envelope in half as tears streamed down my face. Then I rip it again, and again.

I throw the pieces on the floor. Covering my face I sunk down among the scattered letter.

I hate him so much for leaving me. I hate him so much for loving me, but I need to know what he has to say.

I gather the papers and place them together like a puzzle.

"Dear Rachel,"

I ran my fingers through my hair. I hate his arrogance.

"I hope you can forgive me."

That first sentence topped off my anger. He expects me to just forgive him after all I went through without him? Just like that. Forgiven, forgotten.

My tears dripped onto the paper, smudging Carter's handwriting into blue puddles.

That was all I needed to read. I scooped up the letter and threw the pieces into the garbage.

I collapsed on the counter. I wish he knew how badly I wanted to forgive him, but I can't.

I wiped my tears and realized, all the hate I have for him, is actually love that had nowhere to go. So much love, it hurts and I mistook it for hate…