I wish I had never let go…

Im sitting at her grave again.

I’m here to lay with her

My Julie

My mom caught us laying together when she was still here

She screamed and yelled about how sinful two girls being together was

She might have been right

I didn’t want her to be right

I loved my Julie

I didn’t see Julie that much after that

We would sneak out to see each other occasionally

“We should run away” she whispered

I giggled

Where would we go?

She didn’t know

Just far away

I lit the first cigarette in my new pack

I felt the heat in my lungs

And breathed out.

I let Julie have the rest

I looked at her

She had olive skin

Her hair was like pink strawberries

She had freckles all over her face

They were like stars

But it was her eyes I was in love with

They were pale blue

They sparkled

“I miss you”

I missed her.

I wish I could sneak out every night

And we did our entire junior year

We went to parks

24 hour diners

I even snuck into her house a few times

She would lock the door so we could just lay there

We wouldn’t have to worry about anything

I could just love her

I wish this was enough

But It’s not

I’ll wait

Junior years goes by

“I miss you”

She told me this for the millionth time

I couldn’t help that our parents didn’t want us together

I felt a sting of anger at her saying she missed me

Like we didn’t see each other?

Our light had faded

I was tired of lying to my parents

When I went home, I put on my cross necklace

My mom was right

I couldn’t be with her

It was wrong

I prayed to find a boy I could love like I loved Julie

This boy started going to school

He had pink strawberry hair

Olive skin

Freckles

They looked like the stars

He had brown eyes

They were so dark they almost looked black

We sat in math together

We talked

It was mostly boring things like the weather

He wore a cross necklace

We started eating lunch together

I usually stared at Julie

He would stare at this boy who always read romance novels

Me and brown eyes started dating summer after junior year ended

Senior year started

I had three Cs and several Bs

I would hide in the bathroom to escape my grades

I found Julie

My Julie

A cigarette in one hand and a blade in the other

My baby

I wanted to hold her

But I couldn’t

I walked away

Graduation came a little faster than I wanted it to

I wasn’t going to college

I just wanted to move away

Brown eyes proposed

I thought about it

I didn’t have a good reason to say no

Besides the fact that I was in love with Julie

And he was in love with the boy with books

We just wanted to make our parents happy

So I said yes

We moved far away

It was 2 in the morning when my mom called

My baby

My Julie

Took to many pills last night

And she had left me a letter

That she didn’t want to be with anyone but me

And a life without me wasn’t worth living…

So here again I sit at her grave.

Wishing that I would have clung to her.

The tears stream down my face

I couldn’t go on this is to much

I was back again in my bed.

It was late

At least 2 in the morning

Brown eyes had fallen asleep a while ago

I cling to a picture of Julie

My Julie

Like this is going to bring her back

I should have ran away while I could have

Instead I let go