I couldn’t choose between these two topics so here’s two Drugs Burn:

I don’t find the first time I saw you rememberable

I don’t remeber the other times I sat in a room with you all that thrilling either

I don’t know if it was because I was to wrapped up in my own shit

Or because you weren’t interested in seeing my bright side

I only remember you being near when I was at my weakest

When my wrists were dripping

When my thoughts were suffocating

Do I remember you being near

You soothed my pain

Stitched my wrists

Brought me back down to earth

You were like a drug

Ridding me of my pain

Occasionally I feel the withdrawal of you

And try to fill the void of you

With painkillers and pills

Sometimes those aren’t enough

So I tear up my skin

To feel the burns you gave me

Because you unzipped my skin and lit up my darkest corners

Little did I know you watched the light burn me up into nothing

Haunting: I enjoy wandering

But my mind is a scary place to wander

I have a corner of my mind I decorated with memories of you

I like to think of it as a house

With tons of rooms filled with memories of you.

Unfortunately the house is abandoned now

I wander through the house to feel the whispers of you

To see your ghost wander through the rooms

But you’re not coming back

And it haunts me

When I was little I looked at my reflection in a puddle

I was to little to notice any imperfections

I giggled and jumped into the puddle without a worry

I grew up a little more and it was my first day of school

My mom holds my hand as I walk in

A little older and I see a boy. He’s cute

A little older

I cry because i don’t have friends

But I don’t understand why

A little older

I meet a boy who likes me

We date

He saved me

I thank nature for him

A little older

I now know what was wrong in my reflection in the puddle

I wear long sleeves most the time

I’m looking for the people I’m going to grow old with rather than grow up with

Being little was beautiful

There weren’t any cares

But now the beautiful things I once had are rotting away

To nothing more than memories held in puddles that have dried up to nothingness

I know we’ll hurt forever Knowing what we have done How could we do it? Why? I feel like this is something that I can’t recover from I feel it stains my heart I know in a year When it seems okay again When everything seems normal When it’s quiet I’ll be reminded Of how I stabbed my own heart Cut it into a thousand pieces. And though you tried sowing it back together, The scars are still there And though they seem to be healthy, The pain is still there As if the wounds were still gaping open

People often call silence peaceful

Maybe for them

But when I’m alone

The room quiet

The door shut,

The screaming begins.

My head will never let me rest

It will continue to drown me in thoughts and fears

Alone

Trapped in my mind

It’s a prison

That only entraps me for the crime of hating myself

If wishes fell like rain, then certainly I am the storm

I’m constantly hoping for a different ending

That maybe one day I won’t be the one who is broken

That one day I will not be the broken nor the forsaken

I always imagine the scenarios in my head

Everyone wanting me

Me having scarless skin

But the day of my storm of hopes coming true will never come

So I’ll continue to kneel

To make blood drip from my arms

In hopes that one day my storm will be worth it

Im not quite sure what to do anymore I’m lost And everything I do seems to be so wrong I’ve been locked away in my room for weeks My parents are worried I don’t know what’s wrong with me I want to fix it But I don’t want to stay I want to be done feeling like I’m constantly suffocating I take the bottle of meds I don’t need I take them all And I’m awake

I’m in love

My mother says it’s not real

That I’m too young

Maybe she’s right

But I know she’s wrong when I’m with them

The way they make me feel

Feeling their pain when their hurting

The warmth of them wiping away my tears

Knowing their disappointment when they see

marks on my wrists

Begging them to run far away with me

Them enjoying my oddities

And me enjoying theirs

My mother gives me the ultimatum

Joy or responsibility

My head tells me responsibility trumps all

And that I’ll do fine on my own

But my heart wants to run and feel fresh air

Filling my lungs with joy

Be held when I need it

Feel their fingers intertwined with mine

Feel their hands meet my waist

And let go of everything else

I choose to breathe

I wish I had never let go… Im sitting at her grave again. I’m here to lay with her My Julie

My mom caught us laying together when she was still here She screamed and yelled about how sinful two girls being together was She might have been right I didn’t want her to be right I loved my Julie I didn’t see Julie that much after that We would sneak out to see each other occasionally “We should run away” she whispered I giggled Where would we go? She didn’t know Just far away I lit the first cigarette in my new pack I felt the heat in my lungs And breathed out. I let Julie have the rest I looked at her She had olive skin Her hair was like pink strawberries She had freckles all over her face They were like stars But it was her eyes I was in love with They were pale blue They sparkled “I miss you” I missed her. I wish I could sneak out every night And we did our entire junior year We went to parks 24 hour diners I even snuck into her house a few times She would lock the door so we could just lay there We wouldn’t have to worry about anything I could just love her I wish this was enough But It’s not I’ll wait Junior years goes by “I miss you” She told me this for the millionth time I couldn’t help that our parents didn’t want us together I felt a sting of anger at her saying she missed me Like we didn’t see each other? Our light had faded I was tired of lying to my parents When I went home, I put on my cross necklace My mom was right I couldn’t be with her It was wrong I prayed to find a boy I could love like I loved Julie This boy started going to school He had pink strawberry hair Olive skin Freckles They looked like the stars He had brown eyes They were so dark they almost looked black We sat in math together We talked It was mostly boring things like the weather He wore a cross necklace We started eating lunch together I usually stared at Julie He would stare at this boy who always read romance novels Me and brown eyes started dating summer after junior year ended Senior year started I had three Cs and several Bs I would hide in the bathroom to escape my grades I found Julie My Julie A cigarette in one hand and a blade in the other My baby I wanted to hold her But I couldn’t I walked away Graduation came a little faster than I wanted it to I wasn’t going to college I just wanted to move away

Brown eyes proposed I thought about it I didn’t have a good reason to say no Besides the fact that I was in love with Julie And he was in love with the boy with books We just wanted to make our parents happy So I said yes We moved far away It was 2 in the morning when my mom called My baby My Julie Took to many pills last night And she had left me a letter That she didn’t want to be with anyone but me And a life without me wasn’t worth living…

So here again I sit at her grave. Wishing that I would have clung to her. The tears stream down my face I couldn’t go on this is to much

I was back again in my bed. It was late At least 2 in the morning Brown eyes had fallen asleep a while ago I cling to a picture of Julie My Julie Like this is going to bring her back I should have ran away while I could have Instead I let go