You never really know what life is going to throw your way. There are some things, that seemingly out of nowhere, pop up all of the sudden and change the world as you had known it before. When Elizabeth had started dating Ben, he had seemed sweet enough. He was a bit persistent, but having not really been used to how male attention worked, she thought that was how all men were. She found his hounding and constant questioning of her interest a bit off-putting, but, managed to convince herself that was her “insecurities not wanting her to be happy”.

Over time, she allowed herself to grow dependent on his approval, but for all her worrying and catering- she still never seemed to be quite good enough. He was secretive, and quick to be defensive. But as far as she could tell, it truly was her inability to cope with having to exist that was the true problem. That was until the kids were born.

Premature. Two months. Day in and out were spent at NICU, pumping breast milk and kangaroo care. All this while Ben stayed home, looking at porn and chatting up old flames. At first, being up there, it bothered Elizabeth to see the doting men beside the woman and child they cared for. But she also realized in that time, looking into those big blue eyes staring into her-she didn’t need anyone else.

Not having the heart to move back to her family and tear her children from their father, she was unsure what to do. She tried working it out with Ben, but was always met with lies, excuses, and gaslighting. She wanted so badly to give her kids the chance at a “normal” life, a chance she hadn’t had herself... but in the deepest pit of herself, she knew, staying with Ben would continue to destroy her ever-eroding self esteem and sanity.

She separated from him and that’s when he really got out of control. He didn’t hit her, but he did make a very grand scene of cleaning his police issued handgun, while talking about wishing things worked out, and feeling unsure what to do. He frequently cornered her in compromising positions, and she was eventually forced to move out.

It was then that he began to do everything in his power to disrupt her social life and familial relationships. Having more money, the ability to lie, and using a job in law enforcement to his advantage, Ben eventually broke her down enough to get most of the physical custody. To everyone else in the world, she must have failed really bad. It isn’t a thing people understand. Usually, when children are not with the mother it tends to mean she really messed up. In Elizabeth’s case, she loves her children more than she can bare but some days all she can do is make sure she stays alive, in constant fear of Ben’s next infliction.