playfully, i feel

as he touches my thighs

and lifts off my shirt

but you dont want to

he hovers over you

you enjoy it

but

but you dont want to

you see the smile it brings

you see the love you receive

beforehand

this window, i let it open

i endure the cold, hard pain of

his wind gusts

i feel so powerful sometimes

i feel i can move things with my eyes

this window however

is not in my control

you want to be loved

and comforted

and feel no regret

are you too young for this?

is this why its a sin?

are you scared of him?

hes your lover but you regret pleasing him

why?

are you okay or would someone tell you that

your not

if you told the truth

why cant you tell him

why are you scared

why dont you want it,

everyone else does

you feel yourself faking your emotions

during sacred moments

you regret it all

i want to like it

i want to want to

his body

full of warmth

so warm

it stings

as i freeze, i open his window

and let it happen

i help him cool down

while my body crystallizes

still

i lay

thinking about what God is thinking

of me

while he has no other thought

but

“cooling down”

but i want to be able to close the window

when i get too cold.