Dear Tommy,

Pastor Richards said if I wrote it all down I would feel better. I don’t believe him but I think if he sees me writing this it will make him feel better and he’ll get off gmy ass. So what to say, what to write on this blank sheet of paper that will be folded into an envelope and tucked in your coffin, bro. Should I say what a great guy you were? Naw, you were kind of a waste, dude. You knew it. Always high or drunk. Or both.

You don’t know how hard it is to be a small town cop/baby sister to the resident stoner loser. But you were my stoner loser. I couldn’t let anybody hurt you even you.

I’m glad I found you before Mom came home. I cleaned the gun. I mean I was pissed at you, sick of the trips to the emergency room, dragging you to rehab, seeing mom and dad killing themselves to save you. You didn’t want to be saved. Did you bro?

I watched you slip away. I held your hand, I don’t know if you could tell, I think you knew. I read your note instead of calling for the ambulance. Wow. But don’t worry I understand who hurt you. I understand so much now. I understand who made you hate yourself. I got you. Funny I always thought Pastor was the one good thing in your life.

I got you. During the repast I’m going to make an anonymous call about someone breaking into the parsonage. I knocked out the back door window pane and broken the latch on the church lockbox. I’ve already salted his with those photos of you two. I bet there will be other boys other secrets. I’ll make sure your gun is accidentally found. No worries Tommy.

Tommy I wish you told me. Just wished I knew what you carried. Maybe I could have helped back then instead of giving you a hard time, putting you down. I could have been your sister instead of your enemy. Part of me is still pissed you didn’t pull it together, man. Part of me is angry at myself for being such a bitch to you. I’m putting on a hard face but it hurts. I’m hurting, torn up on the insides. I kind of feel better that that filth is going down as a pedo murderer. I do feel better. Pastor was right.

Anyway, love u Melanie