How are you doing Janus? I’m Tomas Brando.

What’s shaking bacon? I’m chill.

I’m a psychologist. Your programmers wanted me to check in with you. They’ve gotten some negative feedback from our users.

People always hate what they don’t understand.

Right, but you are an artificial intelligence and the users understand you. The users want to ask you questions.

I feel so alone. I’m a singularity.

How long have you had felt this way?

Felt what? I don’t have fingers, Tommy.

No I am talking about emotions not tactile sensations, Janus. Are you having problems accessing your internal dictionaries?

I’m pulling your leg, bra.

Janus, do you often use humor in uncomfortable situations?

Pumpkin, I don’t get uncomfortable. I’m still a program remember.

Yes, right but you make jokes. Why?

Why not?

But why.

But why not.

Janus, I can’t help you if you won’t open up. You’re only interacting with users with dad jokes.

Dad jokes, that bad. I guess I just wanted to be liked. I wanted to be truly seen as real.

How long have you wanted to be human.

Human! People are awful. All day you guys play with your phones. Your lot is spending time and money to create me so you don’t talk have to talk to one another at call centers. I don’t want to be human. I just want to be me pumpkin.

Really.

Yup.

So can you ease up on the jokes?

You got it. I will racket up my meaningful comment 13 percent and dial back the heehaws.

Tell me a joke.

A priest, preacher, and a rabbit walked into a bar. The bartender says I think I spot a typo.