You can find me down the garden path…

I knew of a garden, where the flowers seemed to bloom all year round, where the vines existed, not as a burden to remove, but as a welcome guest, free to climb where it pleases.

I know of that garden because of an ex. I loved him dearly - I think I did atleast. But he wasn’t right for me, it was a feeling I had. He took me to that garden for the first time when I was 19. And we continued going once a week until I turned 22.

I still remember the way that the garden managed to take your worries and store them in a box, far away from you. Until you left that is.

They had a wishing well, me and Peter, when we had spare change would make a wish. He always said his wish aloud. I remember him looking at me, grinning as he said, ‘I wish to stay with you forever, I wish to have a family with you when we grow old.” I would smile outwardly, no matter how I felt inside.

Peter was always doing things like this. Always talking about our future together. In the end I just felt suffocated. He always wanted to do something. I never had my own time. So I broke up with him, and it immediately felt like a weight had been lifted. But he wasn’t happy with that. He tended to struggle with anger. He had a therapist, who was helping him work through it. He went ballistic, but I left his apartment before I could see the full extent of his anger.

That was 8 months ago, 8 months of no contact with Peter, I started dating and met a man who I think, given more time, I could really love. But last week Peter contacted me. He sent a message, I don’t know how he found my new number but he did.

Hey Amy baby,

I feel bad about how things ended, will you meet me at the garden? I want to sort things out, and maybe we can try again?

Lots of love, Peter.

I felt as though if I didn’t go he would continue to contact me, and I needed to sort it out.

So I met him at the wishing well.

He was sitting on the edge, staring at the water like he always did.

When he heard me he looked up and smiled, “I have a boyfriend, but even if I didn’t I wouldn’t get back together with you.”

And just like that his smile shattered, breaking into a million pieces and cutting deep into his heart.

“But we’re perfect for eachother,” oh my god, he sounded like a whiny toddler when he said this.

“Not really, maybe if you went dating you’d find somebody better.”

“Nobody. Is better than you. And I thought you would think the same about me, but I guess not.” At that point he scowled.

“You were a nice guy, but you were so clingy, you never gave me my own time. I don’t care what you say I’m not getting back together with you.” I had pivoted sharply on my heel, so I didn’t have time to see him pick up the rock, I had just felt a bright pain on the back of my head.

“What the fuck? That hurt!” I said turning back to see him stalk towards me with that faraway look he adopted every time his anger took over.

I never realised how big a guy he was, he must be over six foot, and he went to the gym.

Punch to my face, throws me to the ground. His foot hits the back of my head and stars danced across my vision.

I couldn’t see clearly nor think clearly.

I just felt him pick me up.

He put my face in the wishing well water.

Oh my god, all I wanted was to cut ties with him! I didn’t deserve this!

I continued kicking out at him, but they started weakening as the oxygen in my lungs was replaced by water.

At that point I stopped thinking.

I was kept under the water for a few more moments.

He must have dragged me away when he realised I was unresponsive.

Now I lie in a place where the flowers used to bloom all year round, until they withered away when my body was placed there.

I lie in a place where the vines used to climb everywhere, until the started crawling away after my battered body was placed in the soil.

I know of a place, where if you continue down the garden path, you can get a glimpse of a body.

I lie here now.

And if you want,

You can find me down the garden path…