I shouldn’t have ever popped up at his house, I really thought that I was in love with him and I wanted him to get better. I knew he told me the story about taking pills but I didn’t think that it would lead me here. Just yesterday, I had a premonition that things were going to go south. I thought about what it would be like to pop up at his house and my daydream told me that I would end up a dead body. Now, today, I woke up in the backseat of some man’s car. I remember a few months ago when I thought about him wanting to be around me to sell me, well, today, I think about him actually selling me.

The truth is that love isn’t enough to sacrifice safety for. When I was writing in my journal last night I asked myself, “does love make me chase him all over the world?” Meaning, if he is on the run, should I always pop up to where he is? Today, I have learned my lesson… if someone wants to run away allow them, don’t chase them down because then you’ll end up in the back seat of the car just like me.

I think the day is November, I’m not sure. The last time I remember checking my phone it was November 13th and the day was sunny. I had the brilliant idea of skipping work to pop up at his house at 10 AM. It’s Virginia, it’s cold. I thought that if I pop up to his house early in the morning then I could see exactly what he’s been up to because afterall, he hasn’t been answering me. For all I know, he could be luring me to him by ignoring me. Well, today, I don’t know what the day is or the hour, I am having so many regrets about how the morning unfolded. I’m wishing that I never would have left the house and that I minded my business. That fucking premonition, it is really eating me up because I literally said to myself, “if I pop up at his house I’m going to end up a dead body,” and now here the fuck I am. I hate this so much.

My thoughts are racing, I’m sweating and looking around panting, there’s no screams to be made because I don’t even know where I am. From what I can see I’m being held, duck tape to the mouth, body to the back seat, and feet tied by rope, in the back seat of som old Cadillac in the middle of an abandoned parking lot. I’m looking around. I’m looking all the way around and I don’t see a soul. I don’t see a building, nothing, just miles and miles of concrete. I don’t know if I’m in Richmond, Virginia or Henrico or neither. I feel so out of place, my eyes are praying that somebody can come by… I want to scream HELP so bad, but for what? I don’t know if he got out the car, I don’t know if he left me behind, I don’t know what he did, but I feel like I’m a fresh catch that’s about to be baited.