I’ve been trying so hard lately to rid myself of any flaws, and I learnt that I view my disabilities as flaws.

I have this drive to cure or correct myself, constantly. But I may have to live with the fact this is how I am. Forever.

The mood swings, intense anxiety, urges to harm myself, and suicidal thoughts everyday.

The overstimulation and understimulation. When the seams in my socks make me want to cry and die and not exist.

The joint pain, muscle aches, dizziness, weakness, blurred vision and brain fog.

“These seem to last forever” I always think. But they actually will last forever. Sure, at varying degrees of intensity. But it will always be there.

That doesn’t mean there’s no hope or point to living. Over time, I have had periods of remission, peace and success. I have developed coping strategies and some purposes. This may not always work, but I am just on the beginning of my journey.

Managing. A word with many meanings. But the meaning of this to me, is a life with reduced suffering.