The tidal wave crash of reality

A dolly zoom in real time

Burning sweat of laughing onlookers

Stand waving banners inside my head.

How did I get here?

And why can I not escape?

Every bead of sweat, every line on my brow,

I drown in my insecurities,

The things I had prided myself on all seem so

Embarassing, silly, childish.

The frozen moment slowly restarts,

But my head - my heart - doesn’t follow.

For the rest of my forever is spent thinking,

Playing the embarrassment on repeat

As if someday it will change,

But it hasn’t yet

And I know it won’t.

Maybe next time.