"Do you have to do that?'

I looked up quickly from my book, forgetting to hold my place on the page.

'What?' I say, in confusion. I slide my glasses back up.

'Read, duh. Why do you have to be such a nerd?' my brother taunts.

I look around me - here I am curled up on the couch in my favourite reading position to the far right of the lounge room, while the family in sitting all to my left of me on their phones or IPADS.

I wanted to say what I was doing was better, but I shrugged instead as no matter what I said it was always the same. I've given up a long time ago to fight for me. Some days I even let them win and would put my book down to join the endless droning of the internet.

Under her breath my mother said, 'She's so different from us.' My father huffed in agreement.

My simmering unease was now starting to boil. This was no longer a safe place, I stood up and told my family I was going to my room. No one acknowledged me, so I tried to act like I was okay. This is something I do on the regular now.

As I shut my door, I finally felt like I could breathe again. I took a full deep breath, took one more before moving over to sit on my bed. Placing my book beside me, I no longer feel the need to devour it as I did before, I closed my eyes and imaged what I wanted to say, to stand up for myself, that I do not judge you on the simple pleasures that you enjoy in life. Just because I am not the same - but because I can't win a trophy, a certificate, a ribbon, or a round of applause with reading, you try to snuff out my interests because no one else in our families would continue to stick to something they enjoyed if they got bullied for it. It just took one comment, and you would stop. What cowards - I have continued to do what I enjoy for years with your belittling comments. But you haven't given up on trying to get me to stop, to be just like you - so I read some nights in secret. Watching TV with you while I really imagine the last few chapters from my current book or image what would happen next. Then when it was finally bedtime, I would get comfy under the blanket (so I could easily hide my book and light if you came to check on me) and stay up to 2am reading without your judging eyes watching me.

But look how sad everyone is, so depressed and not enjoying life until it's too late. I do not regret my choices to see different worlds, different loves, feel so strongly for characters that I can imagine the characters standing up for me - right beside me. Being the chosen family I always dreamed of.

I sigh and open my eyes. Turning to look at myself in my mirror, I continue to be me, I don't let you drag me to your side. I finally let myself say aloud.

‘I’m not a traitor. I was never on your side.’