He reached out to me again

I turned the other way

I am proud of myself

For that

I do not want you to hurt

As I have

At the hands of me

As I did

At the hands of you

When you left I felt this pain in my chest

So sharp and poignant

The carved out piece of me

Had just been a feeling

But I had not realized

The wound was not physical

It had just felt so real

I had never cried so much in one hour

In my life

That may not be true

I’ve cried before

But those kind of tears were different

Like the kind you cry

When someone you love more than life itself

Leaves you to die

That’s how it felt

I hated you

For a while

But only kind of

Because I cannot hate you

And I doubt I ever will

You are not perfect

Never were

But what we had felt close to it

Fortunately

I have walked my path

Long enough to see I have other options

And different routes to take

You are not my end destination

And at this point I have come too far

To look back at you in the same way

You are not so close

Not at arms reach nor

Am I able to

Kiss you

Anymore

But

I can still see you

On the horizon

Beautiful in an old kind of way

I am okay with that

But I do not want to be your friend

I can forgive you

But I do not want to see you

Ever again

At least not right now

Maybe when I’m old and grey I

Will regret

Sending you away

But I think for the moment

For the sake of my still beating heart

The one I felt would break

When we had gone our separate ways

I should save myself the aching hello

That lingers in my throat

From the last time we said goodbye

I will very likely

Never say hi to you again

If I can help it

In this lifetime

I will see you and feel you in music and starlight

In light and in darkness

Imbued with hurt and

Laughter

And everything in between

The lines of what is

Good

And what is

Gone

But I love you still

In as gentle of a way I can

The greatest mercy I can give us both

Is to let words be words

And damage

Be done