Every day they seem to get worse. All I see is darkness and 2 red eyes peering at me from the darkness at night. I hear things, like voices calling to me, but I know that it isn’t a ghost because it is my past self.

“How can I keep going like this?” My past self once questioned.

It want a ghost that haunted me, it was my own horrifying mind that did. In the night when I closed my eyes I could hear my closet opening, but it was all in my head. I sometimes could imagine myself hanging from a tight rope, as my younger self when I was extremely depressed. I never got over my dads death, even after I felt a lot better, that’s when this all started. I would see fleeting shadows fluttering around the room in the shape of me. I would see my younger self in the mirror, small and afraid. The thing people don’t understand is that you shouldn’t be afraid of ghosts, what really is scary is the way your own mind makes things that aren’t there. My house is creaky and ominous as it is, but lately I’ve been becoming increasingly sleep deprived.

In the day, I hear my voice, at night I see myself crying on a swivel chair. In the afternoon I see my own death…

Of course it wasn’t the present me, it was what would’ve happened if I had gone through with my suicide. Somehow, when I was questioning my own existence and still contemplating my life choices, a little voice whispered to me.

“You are good enough, there’s someone out there that will be devastated for the rest of their lives. Why kill your self and make others feel your pain?” A small voice said to me. 

The voice sounded innocent and kind. It convinced me to keep going with my life, to try again. The visions were endless and almost distant. Sometimes I would imagine myself with my friend and then I would go insane. That’s how I felt inside. True sadness and anger. The truth was, I wasn’t depressed anymore, I was just upset and angry at myself. I wanted these visions to end, but they never seemed to do it. Sometimes the voices never stopped, they just kept going until the morning, ushering me secrets and dark things my mind had once gone to.

I was happy I was alive, but lately I’ve been questioning my sanity. Hallucinations only got worse. With almost a year of dealing with them, I wanted to stop them, but I didn’t know how. The only thing I could think of was facing my fears of my dads death, and feeling all the emotions until I let them all out. I looked up at the sky one night and saw a shooting star. Maybe there was a glimmer of hope deep inside my mind, deep inside that little hole of darkness, maybe there was still hope left…