Everywhere I look I see colours. Bright colours, dark colours, saturated colours, desaturated colours. But I can never seem to find my own colour.

I

    f

       l

              o

                 a 

                            t

Through the air.

As I watch these people go about their business. I float, and I watch, and I think, and I feel. Float, watch, think, feel. But some days I think to myself “Am I really feeling?” And some days it doesn’t feel like I’m thinking either. Some days feel like float, watch, and others feel like float, watch, think.

But I’m always floating, even when all I want is to crash down.

And I’m always watching, watching the blobs of colour and the shells that carry them. I’m watching for a blob of colour with no shell. And maybe it’s watching for a shell with no colour.

Today I float and watch.

Yesterday I float, watch, feel.

Tomorrow I float, watch, think.

But most days I just float, watch.

I float without thinking and watch without feeling. I am an empty shell, watching what could be instead of what is.

Today I float, watch, think.

And today I think I see a colour.

I think I see a colour with no shell.

Today I float, watch, think and feel.

I feel my heart beating for the first time.

I feel my lungs expand searching for oxygen.

I feel, myself. And when I look down I see a colour so rich, so stunning. I feel myself fall.

I fall down,

Down

Down.

And I can’t stop.

But I feel so full and happy. I don’t even register when I hit the ground.

My prayers have been answered. I have finally crashed down.