~April 23, 2016~

A bird landed on my hand today. Is that a sort of sign or something? A symbol that I’m destined for greater things like some Disney princess locked away in some tower? Perhaps my Prince Charming will come scaling my tower of emotional insecurity and rescue me from my own self hatred.

Or at least I thought this until it proceeded to take a shit on my boots and leave, so...there’s your sign that I’m destined for shit, I guess.

I never used to be this doomy and gloomy, I swear. I actually used to be sort of annoying with how happy I was. Take the entry from last year, for example. Happy as a stupid clam who didn’t realize she was about to get tossed into the frying pan and eaten. Or I guess that would be an oyster—whatever, you get my meaning.

“~February 27, 2015~

‘Elation.’ I think that would be the word? Or maybe ‘euphoric’? Well whatever it is, if feels fucking magical. The song that was playing, the snow melting against our hair, the smell of his neck as my nose brushed his collar bone...yeah, euphoric pretty much sums it up. How the hell did I get so lucky? He had almost kissed me. Kissed ME. I should just go balls to the wall and plant one on him the next time I see him—

—eh, probably too aggressive. But it’s coming. I feel it.”

*barf* Can someone get me some Listerine so I can wash out my mouth? God I was so gullible. I remember believing I felt truly happy in that moment.

Now? Now I feel like total crap. And I blame it all on him—the jackass who was actually nice to me.