The day you were diagnosed with cancer was not the worse day of my life. It was just a prelude to it. I remember the doctor was so cold and just told you like it was nothing. No heart or feeling behind the words that were spoken to you. It was at this time that I lost hope in the humanity of our medical field. I felt like I was dying inside too, but I knew I needed to be strong for you. The hardest thing for me to say to you was it is your choice and I will support you with whatever choice you want. You could not even stand being in the patient room. You needed to go to the car as you were hyperventilating from the shock. I stayed there to get what was needed. I didn't want to think about what you were going through. All I could think was this is my mama and I still need her. You were so strong....your decision was to not get chemotherapy instead was to go to Mexico for alternative treatment. I researched everything I could find and bought different supplements for you to use. I felt like I was in a race against time. Life would not be the same as it was turn up side down. No planning for future just living in the present....enjoying the time I had with you. I didn't know how to be I just felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest as I lived your last days with you. I loved you so fucking much. You were my mom.....and I was your baby girl. You took your last breath and life would never be the same for me. I am lost. Devastated and I do not know how to live. Please mama help me from above as I feel I am falling a part piece by piece.