In a fancy restaurant bathroom, Ella let the cool water from the shiny faucet rush over her soft skin. It rinsed away tiny lavender scented bubbles, and Ella exhaled deeply. Her wavy hair fell in front of her makeup painted face as she leaned over the sink. She glanced up into the glass mirror. Flowers embellished the frame.

There was Ella, standing in a light blue gown that hugged her slight curves tightly. It was the first time in years Ella had worn something that wasn’t chosen as an attempt to hide her body.

Ella had thought she could do this, but as she looked at herself in the mirror, she felt herself slipping away into familiar self destructive thoughts. She closed her eyes tightly. She sensed the shifting and turning of the glass, which she knew so well by now. She knew she shouldn’t, but she dared to peak at the mirror anyway.

Ella became dizzy as the girl in the mirror warped and shifted, becoming a distorted version of herself. Every insecurity and flaw Ella had learned to see in herself taunted and threatened her. She stared with unblinking eyes at that girl, Ugly Ella, the one who made her anxious, the one who made her hate her own body. Ugly Ella stared back, cold and alone. Overwhelming sadness sent Ella crashing through the portal. Drowning in self hate and sorrowful wishes of her past, the small glimmer of acceptance Ella had been nurturing for the past few months of healing slowly perished in the raging tsunami.

In the middle of this storm, this portal her own mind had created, Ella was still. She was now the girl behind the mirror, looking out from within the mirror’s glass. She saw beautiful real Ella standing in the bathroom, staring back, pale and translucent like a shell of the girl she was supposed to be.

Ella lowered her head in shame. How could she think she could escape her past? That little echo in her head?? It too was part of Ella after all.

The mirror shifted and turned once more, slipping back into plain old glass. And Ella cried, watching the tears fall across her face and down her neck. Her makeup was ruined, her face was red. She dug through her purse, desperate to cover everything up.

Her good friend Jess slipped through the door.

“El, where did you go? Come on beautiful girl, let’s go.”

Ella took a breath, smiled, and let Jess gently take her hand and lead her out of the bathroom.