I should have realised from the outset that it wasn’t going to work. The distance, the obstacles in our way were huge. You had your life, I had mine but we clung to each other for comfort despite the pain like clinging onto a fist full of nettles.

The dirty dishes in the sink, the greying underwear on the back of the kitchen door and dog shit all over the driveway on our first date were sure signs that your life was out of control but I believed I could help.

I thought if I came in like a ray of sunshine everything would be ok. I thought if I arrived with flowers and chocolate you would be motivated to tidy up for me coming. I thought if I was prepared to drive the distance you’d be awake to greet me when I arrived.

I didn’t notice the disconnection. I didn’t notice the overwhelm. I thought love would be enough and that it could conquer all and we would be a happy family.

We did try and we came some distance. We tried to love well. We tried to build a life. We certainly painted and decorated, we played cards and hosted fire pit parties. But the time has come to leave. I need to move on. I need more order and connection, to be seen and heard. I need for it not all to be on your terms. I needed you to be willing to take some risks and grow and unfortunately I needed that sooner rather than later. So I need to say goodbye.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to grow my sense of self. You helped me realise I am loveable and I do have a lot to offer. You helped me see that I can go the distance and I can own my shit and whilst I get lonely on my own I deserve to be treated well and I can do better.

I wish you love, happiness and peace.