I should have realised from the outset that it wasn’t going to work. The distance, the obstacles in our way were huge. You had your life, I had mine but we clung to each other for comfort despite the pain like clinging onto a fist full of nettles.

The dirty dishes in the sink, the greying underwear on the back of the kitchen door and dog shit all over the driveway on our first date were sure signs that your life was out of control but I believed I could help.

I thought if I came in like a ray of sunshine everything would be ok. I thought if I arrived with flowers and chocolate you would be motivated to tidy up for me coming. I thought if I was prepared to drive the distance you’d be awake to greet me when I arrived.

I didn’t notice the disconnection. I didn’t notice the overwhelm. I thought love would be enough and that it could conquer all and we would be a happy family.

We did try and we came some distance. We tried to love well. We tried to build a life. We certainly painted and decorated, we played cards and hosted fire pit parties. But the time has come to leave. I need to move on. I need more order and connection, to be seen and heard. I need for it not all to be on your terms. I needed you to be willing to take some risks and grow and unfortunately I needed that sooner rather than later. So I need to say goodbye.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to grow my sense of self. You helped me realise I am loveable and I do have a lot to offer. You helped me see that I can go the distance and I can own my shit and whilst I get lonely on my own I deserve to be treated well and I can do better.

I wish you love, happiness and peace.

Without you I would be ok but life would be so quiet. No alarm to wake me up each day or reason to go on a diet.

Without you I would still be me but I wouldn’t be reminded that I can be funny, I can be random, and there’s joy to be found in the quiet.

Without you I would still have adventures but I would have no one to kiss at the summit, to dance with naked in the rain or to hold me when life starts to plummet.

Without you my life would carry on but with whom would I share wee drams, naked piano lessons and cocktails, music festivals and chocolate reindeer, new pyjamas and candle lit dinners?

Without you I’d still have our son to live for but together we make a family. The tickles, the cuddles the Christmas Day chuckles, the parties, the holidays, the wine!

Without you I know I’d have friends to do life with, drink coffee and chew the fat with. But no one has loved me the way that you do and no one comes anywhere close.

Life just wouldn’t be the same without you. I love you xxx