One More Bite
I think I have the opposite of an eating disorder.
I see food,
I want it,
I eat it.
I have almost no control of myself.
Even when I don’t want it,
Even when I’m not hungry.
If there’s food,
I just… get it.
It feels like a physical tug on me,
Pulling me to whatever it is.
When I get home from school,
It’s a strain in my arms,
My chest,
My skin
To not immediately walk to the fridge.
And I stop and analyze my stomach.
I’m not hungry.
I don’t want that food.
And I just…
Can’t help it.
One snack.
Then another.
And another.
And another.
Until I’ve had a little bit of everything I like.
Until there’s nothing even left for me to eat.
Not… eat, exactly.
More like nibbling on different foods.
Bites.
And I always need one more bite.
I want to stop.
I don’t want to eat that.
I want to look in the mirror without hating me.
I want to know I have some ounce of control over myself.
I want to wait for dinner
Because I don’t even want that food.
But then…
Just one more bite.