Belonging doesn’t mean whatever this is,

This stomach pit of guilt drowning me in sorrow

It doesn’t mean bedridden for the inconveniences I cause to others

Not when they don’t care.

But what if they will care when they find out?

The secret I’ve kept was spilt with the blood from my heart,

A deadly betrayal from my own dear friend

Who told a secret not hers to tell.

And now I’ll pay the price.

To fit in, to belong, it’s all I ask for,

Drawing each breath from the replay of it all,

Clutching onto them like a cliff edge

And the water’s to far down to see if it’s even there.

What will I do?

Belonging, as I understood, was to trust and forgive.

I got swept up into a heist I opposed

And now I cry that they will blame me.

For guilt hangs onto my every cell and I know

I can never belong where I am not wanted.