Like pieces of a puzzle, every little bit of my plan was clicking into place. Over and over again, hour after hour, task after task, I could hear the ringing _"check!"_ playing in my head, could see the mental checkmark.

The only thing that could possibly ruin it now was this stupid fucking skirt, the longs folds of fabric constantly tripping me, driving me to insanity. Oh, and maybe that egotistical man named Harvey, who lived in the house across from mine (and always let his dog shit in my yard).

Seriously, I hated that guy. Whether it was throwing loud parties, harassing my only friend, or skulking around my house and being an all-around terrible neighbor, Harvey was always pissing me off.

Surprisingly, though, today's mission had nothing to do with him. And today's mission was too crucial to let someone with as little importance as _Harvey_ mess it all up. I grabbed the paper list from my giant tote and held it up in front of me.

Tape? _CHECK_

Hammer? _CHECK_

4 foot long neon-green reflecting rope? _CHECK_

1.75 oz jar of vaseline? _CHECK_

$700 in $20 bills? _CHECK_

Extra-strength black garbage bags? _CHECK_

Disposable gloves? _CHECK_

Now there was only one thing left on the list, something that would be the hardest to accomplish:

An alibi. _NOT CHECK_

Because I knew that the second he realized what had happened, he would blame it on me, and I needed an extremely believable story about how it was certainly _NOT ME._

It was fine. I could think about that later. Right now, I needed to execute part 2 of my plan.

Now the problem here is that right as I turn onto my road, guess who I see? You've guessed it: Sitting on his lawn, sipping on a beer, none other than sir Harvey the asshole, staring straight at my front door.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, my plan was foiled. Never was I going to feel free bliss, never was I going to get revenge on the captain of the firefighter's squad who had let my family die in a burning mall, never was I going to visit him in jail and rub my success in his face. _Never._

Nosy neighbors deserve only the worst.

So I took the shameful walk back to my house, each step internal agony under the watchful eyes of Harvey. _Why oh why didn't I invest in tinted windows?_ There's nothing more infuriating than sitting on your living room couch and making eye contact with the neighbor next door.

I hated stupid Harvey and his stupid dog and his stupid veranda and his stupid fire pit.

His stupid fire pit?

_Harvey has a fire pit?!_

Harvey lives across from me. Harvey has a fire pit. My number one enemy in life is a firefighter.

That leaves one logical solution:

The only answer is arson.