Why . . .

I thought you loved me

I thought I found my way back

I am . . . Was finally me

The true me

And now you’re taking that away

Why . . .

What did I do?

What have I done?

How many times can I ask for forgiveness

Before you start listening

How many times must I tell myself this is not true?

What do you want me to do?

I loved my life

Wait that’s a lie

I didn’t love it

I tolerated it

I begged it to let me free

I was locked away

All my life

Shut behind a door

Forced to watch what could have been mine float away

And now . . . Here I am

Still locked away

Still wishing for a change

Except this time I have a key

I have a way out

This isn’t accepting a gift or smile from an enemy

This is leaving

This is the end

This is the moment my story is told

I’ll never forget what you’ve done

Or how many times I’ve fought for acceptance

I guess now it’s time

Time for me to accept my key

The way out

They say this is the last stage of life, of grief

It’s like that moment where you find what you’ve been searching for

Metaphorically or literally it doesn’t really matter anymore

Not to me anyway

I feel it today

I feel it’s the best day to stop

Breathing

Existing

Living

Maybe I’m wrong

But if I am it won’t really matter, will it?

I can’t be wrong anymore

I can’t be right anymore

I can’t be locked away

I don’t need to keep searching for my way out

Because it’s here

Right in front of me

This knife

This shinny key

And the door, my wrist, my heart

The door to let me escape

And now

As I lift the knife

Shaking slowly as I stare at my broken soul

I whisper to myself

The only person who ever listened

“It’s okay,” I whisper

“You’re free now”