The more I learn, the more I see myself aligning my values with this group.

Some may call it teenage rebellion, want to be separate to my parents and their way of life. I call it home.

They believe with all their hearts, follow their dreams, treat others as equals, and unconditionally love one another. They have a bardering system instead of relying on money to survive; everyone playing to their strengths and offering their services to help those with less.

Why my parents left I will never comprehend. It explains their emotional distance between us and how they can afford our lavish lives.

I grew up believing wholeheartedly that I wasn’t deserving of love and didn’t know such a thing existed. A fable at best.

Now I have found a group that cares and nurtures me. They see my scars across my heart, bringing me close into an embrace that pulls me to their heart.

I spend any chance I can with them and go about my double life.

I ask why my parents left and how they met. They do not try to withhold any information and approach with tenderness and compassion.

‘They met within the group. There has never been two people more in love than your mother and father. It was when you came along and they seeked for employment to afford to care to you. They became victim to capitalism and never looked back. They chased and their love became the prey of their egos. You, my child could have been raised among us if your parents could understand how much we were prepared to support them. We still love them, just no longer within arm’s reach.’

Tears began to drip down my face, landing on my neck after making it down my jawline. They poured out my control. The emotion overcame me quickly and my eyes stung of onion juice. It hurts so deep. It hurts in the most enlightening experience that I never want this moment to end.

I turn back to one of the women who told me about my mother and father, squeezing as tightly as possible to hold on to the love that they brought me in this moment. In my life.

It hurts because I want it to at this point.