I Miss The Days - NF

(warning: depression, anxiety are mentioned

(Just to be safe))

I miss the days when everything I worried about was not being late to school and remembering all my friends‘ birthdays.

I miss the days when I wasn‘t constantly thinking about how much of a disappointment I was to my parents.

I miss the days when my anxiety didn‘t make me question every decision I made.

I miss the days when I was excited about growing up and graduating, starting my life.

I miss the days when I didn‘t spend my nights overthinking my life and questioning why I am even alive.

I miss the days when I dreamed big and didn‘t think about limits.

Now I‘m scared to make decisions because they could be wrong.

Now everyone I know and love has this expectant look in their eyes that makes me feel small and scared.

Now I don‘t know what to say when people ask me what I want.

How do you tell them that you didn‘t expect to come this far? That you didn‘t plan this far ahead because you expected to fail and sometimes hoped to die?

I don‘t want to talk to them about all these topics because I don‘t know how to express these feelings in a way they could understand.

So I listen to music and all these artists who put their feelings out in the open and talk about what I‘m feeling.

They say what I can‘t and sometimes I hope that the people around me listen closely and understand so I don‘t have to explain these feelings inside me that make me feel so vulnerable.