Was I the only to see them? To see them as they truly were? I begged my mother not to go outside when they visited. But she shushed me away.

“How dare you disrespect our angels like this? They come all the way from heaven just to bless us with their presence and here you are making stories up about them! You should be ashamed of yourself.” She snapped.

“Mother, please, I know what I saw! The red haired one had fangs and her eyes turned bl-“ my mother slapped me across the face. She had never done that before. Never so much as raised her voice at me. With tears in her eyes she stood her ground.

“Never again will I hear you disrespect our elders, our angels or our way of living. You have no idea what this tribe has been through. Stay inside and don’t you dare make a sound. I don’t want the angels knowing you’re here. I’m so disappointed in you.” And she walked out, head hanging low, ashamed of who she raised. I shriveled up into a ball and cried myself to sleep.

A loud bang on my door woke me up. I laid there, eyes wide open, wondering who could possibly be rude enough to bang on our door in the middle of the night. The ground began to rumble and my goat ran by my window screaming. Now I could hear. I heard it all. People screaming all around. I didn’t know what to do. I was frozen, it took all the strength in me to jump out of bed and look out the window. To this day I wish I hadn’t. Fires burned all the houses, animals were ripped open, bleeding out all over the ground. The animals I took care of and raised since they were babies. In the distance I saw the old couple next door kneeling in front of one of the angels, i saw them shivering, heads low, crying into each other’s hands and before i could think my next thought their heads rolled on the floor towards my direction. Their faces frozen in shock and misery.

My stomach tinged in pain as I heard footsteps approach my window.

“Is that all of them?” A small framed, brown haired angel asked.

“Yes, they brought everyone out to worship. Let’s gather the last of them and head back.” A huge, blonde haired angel responded.

I held my breath as the blonde angel stood still, as if sensing something. I could feel his breath go in and out, right outside my window. Could he hear me breathing too? He took a step toward my window, I shoved my hand into my mouth even harder, holding back tears.

“SIR! We have one left! It says it has information we need! It’s not on our list, what should we do?”

The huge blonde angel took a deep breath and turned to answer the other angel, they sprinted off in the opposite direction. I still didn’t breathe, I held my breath until my body started convulsing. When I was finally about to pas out I shoved my face into a pillow and breathe as quietly and purposefully as I had ever done in my life. I passed out. When I awoke, the sun burned my cheek. My head was so fuzzy I thought I was still dreaming. But the smell of blood and burnt embers reminded me of where I was.

“Mama!” I ran to the front door and opened it, my mother rolled onto my feet, blood covered and on her last breathes. Why hadn’t I come out earlier? Why wasn’t I brave enough to have opened the door hours ago? Why did I fall asleep? I held her in my arms and felt the last of her earthly breaths on my cheek.

With the last ounce of strength she quietly whispered, “not…our….love…i-i….forgi-“

I wailed in the deepest pain I had ever experienced up to that point in my life. I didn’t care if those angels heard me. I didn’t care if they came back and ripped my head off my body. I just wanted to be with my mother. I killed her. If I hadn’t passed out, I could have found her and maybe saved her life. I dug my nails deep into my skin and screamed a scream so loud the birds flew away. The world faded again and i was out.

The next time I awoke the sun was setting. It was the most beautifully tragic scene I had ever seen in my life. The way the sun set on all the colors of red and brown on the ground, the walls, the trees, it was breathtaking. The roaring fires of the night before were now just smoke piles. Flies and rodents began to gather around the mounds of dead bodies, both human and animal. For some reason the rays of the sun seemed to reflect off the pools of blood making it look like a painting. A hellish paining I was now living in. I got up and did exactly what my mother would have done, I cleaned-except there was no prayer coming out of my lips. There was nothing to say. The next few days and nights, I cleaned. I cleaned all the bodies, what was left of them, and I burned them in our tribes way. Except, again, no prayer. I quietly said goodbye to the people I loved and cared for. As the days went by, and I put my tribe to rest one by one, I realized, not everyone was there. My best friend Lilik, the neighborhood gossip Manteo, our eldest elder Running Deer, and a few others. I was lost. I didn’t know what to do. Where were the missing people? Why us? Why my tribe? Who did I pray to? I was only a child. We had just celebrated my 14th year of rotating around the sun. The universe was playing a cruel trick on me. I was all alone. For the first time in my life, I didn’t have a loving family to help me sort out my problems. I would never hear the bell my mother would ring to signal me to come home, I would never run down to the river and dip my toes in the cool water with my friends, my life as I knew it was over.

After I burned the dead, I trekked to our people’s holy spot on the hill. Knife in my hand, I was ready to join my people on the other side. I kneeled and I thought about all the sweet things my family and friends did for me. Tears in my eyes, I pulled the knife up high and took my last deep breath-and then I felt a warm glob fall on my hand. Was that-was that bird shit?? A crow with grey feathers cawed at me. Mocking me really. I wiped the shit off my hands and proceeded to lift the knife. Another crow came bit me on my neck.

“OW! What are you doing?? STOP!!” I screamed. The birds cawed at me and stood their ground. “I just want to be with my mother!! Leave me alone!” The birds didn’t budge. I wailed in grief and disappointment, I couldn’t even kill myself right, even my suicide attempt was riddled in humiliation. I sobbed. I was lost. So defeated. So purposeless. As I laid in th grass crying, a shadow came up behind me. I didnt freeze this time. I figured it was one of the angels who came back to finish the job, I closed my eyes and accepted my fate. As I shivered in the grass, the softest, kindest hand touched my shoulder and my whole body relaxed, i knew I was safe.

“You are not alone. We need your help. You’re time is not done yet, little one. We will be there with you each step of the way. Find her. The one with the red fire feather.”

And just as quickly as the presence came, it was gone. I sat up and looked around. No one. Not even the annoying birds. I sat there and stared out into the wilderness. I knew I had to make a choice. So I stood up, and accepted my fate. I walked back to my village and gathered my things.